Free Miss Kraft Is Daft! by Dan Gutman Page A

mean faces.
    â€œWhat’s up with them ?” I whispered as we sat down.
    â€œIt looks like they got up on the wrong side of the bed,” whispered Andrea.
    â€œWhat difference does it make which side of the bed you get up on?” I asked.
    â€œIt’s just an expression, Arlo,” said Andrea, rolling her eyes. She calls me by my real name because she knows I don’t like it.
    â€œMaybe somebody died,” whispered Ryan.
    Mr. Klutz, Mrs. Jafee, and Dr. Brad were all wearing T-shirts that said BOGS on them.
    â€œWhat do you think BOGS stands for?” whispered Neil the nude kid.
    â€œBig Ostriches Go Slow,” guessed Ryan.
    â€œBoring Old Geezer Society,” guessed Michael.
    â€œBody Odor Gets Stinky,” guessed Alexia.
    â€œBe on Guard—”
    I didn’t get the chance to finish my sentence because Mr. Klutz held up his hand and made the shut-up peace sign. Mrs. Jafee tapped on the microphone. Everybody stopped talking. It was so quiet in the all-purpose room, you could hear a pin drop.
    That is, if anybody brought pins to school and started dropping them. But why would anybody do a dumb thing like that?

    â€œWe are disappointed in you children,” said Mrs. Jafee. “Once again, Dirk School got the award for having the best behavior of the month.”
    Dirk School is on the other side of town. That’s where all the genius kids go. We call it “Dork School.”
    Mrs. Jafee sat down, and Dr. Brad stepped up to the microphone.
    â€œWe have been having a lot of behavior problems lately,” he said. “Students have been yelling and running through the hallways. Kids are talking back to their teachers. There have been food fights and riots. This is not the way children are supposed to behave in school. So we’re starting a program to improve behavior and teach respect here at Ella Mentry School.”
    Dr. Brad sat down, and Mr. Klutz stepped up to the microphone. He has no hair at all. I mean none . Mr. Klutz’s head is really shiny. They could use it to signal ships that are lost at sea.
    â€œBOGS stands for Behave or Get Suspended,” said Mr. Klutz. “I’ve tried to be kind to you children, but it didn’t work. So from now on, it’s no more Mr. Nice Guy. Students who misbehave will be suspended.”
    Wow! I remember when Mr. Klutz was a good guy. One time I got sent to his office for bad behavior, and he gave me a candy bar. That was cool. Now he’s all mean.
    â€œI expect exemplary behavior at Ella Mentry School,” he continued, “and that is all I have to say. I will be checking in on your classrooms regularly to see how you’re making out.”
    â€œEwwwwwww, disgusting!” I shouted. “Mr. Klutz said ‘making out’!”
    â€œQUIET!” roared Mr. Klutz. “Enough of that foolishness!”

3
Mr. Granite Is Dying!
    We had to walk a million hundred miles back to class in single file. Everybody was being really quiet. Nobody wanted to get in trouble with Mr. Klutz. I looked around for Mr. Granite, but I couldn’t find him.
    When we passed the front office, our school nurse, Mrs. Cooney, pulled me out of the line. She is beautiful and has eyes that look like cotton candy. One time she wanted me to marry her, but I couldn’t because she was already married to some guy named Mr. Cooney.
    â€œA.J.,” she whispered, “please tell your class that Mr. Granite went home for the rest of the day.”
    â€œIs he going to be okay?” I asked.
    â€œOh yes,” said Mrs. Cooney. “He only has a cold.”
    I ran to catch up with the rest of the class. They were just going into our room, and everybody was still on their best behavior. Even the guys folded their hands on their desks and kept their feet on the floor. It was weird.

    â€œWhere’s Mr. Granite?” Neil the nude kid whispered to me.
    â€œMr. Granite has a cold,” I