Free Miss Kraft Is Daft! by Dan Gutman Page B

whispered, “so he went home for the rest of the day. Spread the word.”
    Neil turned around and whispered to Emily. “Mr. Granite is old, so he went home for the rest of the day.”
    Emily opened her eyes really wide. Then she turned around and whispered to Ryan. “Mr. Granite is old, so he went to a rest home,” she said.

    Ryan leaned over to whisper to Michael. “Old Mr. Granite was put in a home for the rest of his life.”
    Michael turned around and whispered to Andrea. “Mr. Granite was put in an old-age home to rest until he’s dead!”
    â€œMR. GRANITE IS DYING?!” shouted Andrea.
    Suddenly, everyone started yelling, screaming, crying, and freaking out.
    â€œBut Mr. Granite is so young !” wailed Michael.
    â€œHe was such a good man!” groaned Neil the nude kid.
    â€œI need to speak with a grief counselor!” screamed Emily.
    â€œWhy? Why? Why?” everybody was moaning.
    Kids were weeping, holding their heads, and wiping their eyes. The girls were talking about what they were going to wear to Mr. Granite’s funeral.
    That’s when Mr. Klutz came running into the classroom like his hair was on fire. *
    â€œWhat’s the matter?” he shouted. “Is someone hurt?”
    â€œMr. Granite is dying!” yelled Andrea.
    â€œNo he’s not,” said Mr. Klutz. “He has a cold, so he went home for the rest of the day. Who told you that he’s dying?”

    Ryan looked at me. Alexia looked at me. Michael looked at me. Emily looked at me. Everybody was looking at me.
    â€œA.J. told us that Mr. Granite is dying!” Andrea said, pointing at me.
    â€œI did not!”
    â€œYou did too!”
    â€œDid not!”
    â€œDid too!”
    We went on like that for a while until Mr. Klutz clapped his hands together: CLAP CLAP, CLAPCLAPCLAP.
    Five claps means “shut up.” Nobody knows why.
    â€œRemember what I said about your behavior,” said Mr. Klutz as he left the room. “If you kids can’t behave, some of you are going to be suspended. I’m not fooling around!”

4
It Takes Brains to Be a Sub
    You know what it means when your teacher gets sick? It means you get a substitute teacher!
    Yay!
    Having a sub is cool because you don’t have to do work or learn anything. You can do whatever you want. It’s too bad teachers can’t be sick all the time. Then school would be fun.
    I pulled out a comic book and put my feet up on my desk. This was going to be the greatest day of my life.
    But you’ll never believe who ran into the door at that moment.
    It was a lady dressed up like a clown and riding a unicycle! She ran right into the door!
    â€œOuch!” said the clown lady as she got up off the floor. “That hurt!”
    Everybody laughed, because it’s always hilarious when people crash into things and fall down. Nobody knows why. If you ask me, there should be a TV station that shows nothing but people crashing into things and falling down all day long. That would be cool.

    â€œHi boys and girls!” the clown lady said. “My name is Miss Kraft.”
    â€œAre you a clown or a teacher?” asked Andrea.
    â€œBoth!” said Miss Kraft. “I’m a clown and a teacher. We’re going to have fun and learn at the same time!”
    â€œThat’s impossible,” I said.
    â€œDon’t be a Grumpy Gus!” said Miss Kraft. “Watch this ! What’s two times one?”
    â€œTwo!” we all shouted.
    Miss Kraft put her hand up to her face. Then she pulled a red handkerchief and a blue handkerchief out of her nose.
    â€œAnd what’s two times two?” she asked.
    â€œFour!” we all shouted.
    Miss Kraft pulled four colorful handkerchiefs out of her nose.
    â€œAnd what’s two times three?” she asked.
    â€œSix!” we all shouted.
    Miss Kraft pulled six colorful handkerchiefs out of her nose. It was