Free Sadie's Mountain by Shelby Rebecca

rocking cradles.
    “Yeah. Too long. Seth. Jake,” Dillon nods and smiles.
    “Hey,” they both say in unison.  I think Jake kicks Seth under the table because I hear a thump, Seth jumps and then scowls.
    “Hi, Sadie,” Seth says, with his teeth clenched.
    I nod at him. I don’t want to try to win over angry fifteen-year-olds right now.
    “I’m going to have a bath,” I declare.
    “Not until you eat,” Missy says, glaring at me. “You’re too skinny as it is.”
    I hand her the thin sack. “You got some roots!” she says, excitedly.
    “Three good ones,” Dillon explains. He looks at me and then knits his brow. I can feel it. It’s Numb Girl. She takes over when I’m weighed down—to protect me sometimes, Dr. Amy says. Not like I have a personality disorder or anything. It’s just a numb thing I do when I’m overwhelmed—diseased molecules that run as deep as a scar.
    “I didn’t know what you’d eat so I made you a Cobb salad with some boiled egg and green tomatoes. There’s blue cheese and carrots, beets. Green onions too. Oh, and some cucumbers. All of us are eating pork chops, and mashed taters though if you change your mind.”
    I shrug as she hands me a salad filled plate.
    “‘S fine,” I mumble.
    “You okay?” Missy asks, a worried look on her face.
    “Just tired,” I say.
    I mope because I’m too tired to pretend-smile as the rest of them talk about randomness. To be honest, most of the time, their voices sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher as I crunch lettuce and other veggies. Then Missy asks Dillon how he’d come to see me and how he ended up sitting here for dinner. He explains the whole thing, but leaves out the part where he almost fainted when he saw me and the part where we were yelling at each other at the top of our lungs.
    The little girl, Elise I think her name is, grabs Missy’s shirt sleeve and says, “What’s wrong with her?” as she looks at me like I’m an alien from Planet Weird. I stare at my plate like it’s my saving grace.
    “That’s your Aunt Sadie. She’s had a long, long day, honey. She’s just real tired.” I try to smile at her but she’s not convinced. I look back down, uncomfortable.
    When I look up, Dillon is staring at me, concern written all over the lines in his forehead. He moves his hand toward me so slightly no one else even notices, but I tense and he stops.
    I crunch the last bit of salad and get up before I’m done chewing.
    “Goodnight,” I say to the room.
    The room answers back, “Goodnight, Sadie.”

Chapter Seven—The Rules
     
    Last night I sat in the old fashioned claw foot tub up to my nose in water trying to un-numb myself like one defrosts a chicken. The numbness is a reaction to anything being too much to handle. It started that night in the shed and comes back once in a while.
    Seeing Dillon would have been enough but then add to that the nine hour flight, the three hours of driving, the nerves all day, the memories being just right at the surface, seeing momma so sick, riding my horse, meeting my little brother, finding out Dillon has a girlfriend, Monty getting spooked,  and getting thrown off him. Arguing with Dillon was just the last straw.
    He’s really infuriating. I’d forgotten how stubborn he used to be—still is apparently. But patient is another adjective I’d use to describe him.
    He’s just not going to stop until he gets what he wants—but what he wants I can’t give him. Let’s take Donnie out of the picture for a minute, wherever he is here in town. I’m just not capable of having a loving relationship with a man. So even if both of our lives weren’t on the line here, I couldn’t be the girl he thinks I am. Let’s say he moved to California with me, I’d never quite fulfill this ideal he’s created in his mind. He’d get tired of my anxiety, of the fact that he has to handle me and my moods. I’d fall in love with him and then...he’d leave. That’s the order, I do