Free Bruno for Real by Caroline Adderson Page B

night.
    â€œNo kisses!” Bruno yelled. “I’m bad!”
    Mom sat down on the bed. “No good-night kiss, Bruno?”
    â€œNo!”
    â€œHow about when I drop you off at school?”
    â€œNo!”
    â€œNo kisses when you hurt yourself?”
    â€œNo kisses ever!”
    She pretended to cry. Bruno knew she wasn’t really crying, but he still felt bad. He felt bad, and he
was
bad! He was Bruno the Bad!
    He went to his dresser and got a mitten. “Here,” he said. “Kiss this.”
    Mom kissed the mitten. Bruno took it back and rubbed it all over his face.
    â€œWhat about me?” she asked.
    Bruno kissed the mitten. Mom left with it pressed to her heart.
    The next day, Bruno found the mitten in Mom and Dad’s room. He packed it in his backpack. “Why are you taking the mitten to school?” Mom asked.
    â€œI don’t want you kissing it when I’m not here,” Bruno told her.
    After school, Bruno watched the other kids get picked up. Some kids let their moms and dads kiss them. But they were
good
kids. Bruno was
bad
. He’d done a few more bad things that day, like writing his name backward on his work.

    â€œWho’s Onurb?” Ms. Allen, his teacher, asked.
    â€œGrrrr!” Bruno said.
    She looked scared. “Who let a bear in the classroom?”
    Bruno loved being bad. Dad enjoyed it too. One night Mom went out and left Bruno and Dad at home alone. “Okay,” Dad said, rubbing his hands together. “This is our chance. Let’s be as bad as we want.”
    â€œGrrrr!” Bruno said.
    For dinner, Bruno and Dad had macaroni, but they didn’t use a fork or spoon. They ate it with their hands! After dinner, they took out all of Bruno’s puzzles and mixed the pieces up. They put them all together as one giant mess. It looked terrible! It looked awful! “This is the baddest puzzle ever,” Bruno said.
    Dad agreed. “It’s the worst.”

    Then, at bedtime, instead of a good-night kiss, Bruno gave Dad a good-night bite.
    Being bad with Dad was the best!
    The last day Bruno was bad, he hid in the closet. When Dad came home and hung up his coat, Bruno jumped out of the closet growling and showing his horn. He jumped right on Dad’s back. Dad ran with him to the living room. They wrestled on the couch. “Grrrr! Grrrr!”
    Whoops! Bruno tumbled off the couch and hit his head. “Ow!”
    Now he
really
felt bad.
    â€œMom!” he yelled.
    She came running. “What happened? My poor baby! Let me get the mitten!”
    â€œNo!” Bruno wailed, holding his head. “I think I need a kiss!”

The Long Birthday
    When Bruno turned seven, he invited twelve pirates to his party. He wore a pirate scarf and an eye patch. He drew sword slashes on his arms and face. Instead of real blood, he bled jam. Dad made a birthday cake in the shape of a treasure island.
    As soon as the other pirates arrived, they had a sword fight. “Be careful! Please be careful!” Mom said. But only one pirate got hurt, and he didn’t even bleed.
    â€œWe need more jam!” Bruno called.
    Next they had a treasure hunt. Dad gave them a map made from a paper bag. He wrinkled it so it looked old. It was a map of the backyard.

    They found the treasure and ate it. It was chocolate coins. Then Bruno blew out the candles on the treasure island, and they ate that too.
    Bruno got lots of presents, even a real treasure chest filled with colored stones. Everyone walked the plank. Afterward, the parents of the tired pirates came to pick them up.
    That night Bruno told Dad, “Today was the best day of my life.”
    â€œI’m glad you had fun. You only turn seven once in your life.”
    â€œI wish every day was my birthday,” Bruno told Dad.
    At breakfast the next morning, Bruno told Mom, “Today is a very special day.”
    â€œIs it?” Mom said.
    â€œYes. Today I am