Free Excalibur by Colin Thompson Page B

up.’
    â€˜I will show your granny my bukkit,’ said Scraper. ‘Grannies love bukkits.’
    â€˜Yes, you do that,’ said Bloat. ‘Look, there’s no one about right now, let’s go.’
    The four of them crept out from behind the rock and tiptoed down into the cave. No one saw them except for two people flying through the clouds on a horse. Fortunately the two people were Morgan le Fey and Sir Lancelot and the horse was the wonderful Susan. Fenestra did not see them. She was back in her tower getting ready to begin the search. Vampires arenotoriously vain and will not go anywhere without sharpening their claws and covering their skin in a protective layer of magical grease to attract evil spirits. 32
    The ancient dragon was sleeping in a very large puddle at the back of the cave. King Arthur had given the dragons a large supply of incontinence pants for the old granny when they had signed their peace treaty, but even wearing three pairs of Super Strong Leakylegs was not enough to contain the endless stream of wee that leaked out of the ancient creature. The smell was so powerful that it made the visitors’ eyes sting and burnt the back of their throats.
    Although she was fast asleep and snoring like a hippopotamus with a very bad sinus problem, the minute the three runaways got within three metres of her she shook herself and spoke.
    â€˜I smells visitors,’ she said. ‘A boy, a lovely grandson, a lovely Princess and a big lovely walkingpotato with a lovely bucket.’
    â€˜Hello, Granny,’ said Bloat. ‘We came to see how you were.’
    â€˜Who’s that?’ said the old dragon. ‘Is it young Bloat?’
    â€˜No, he’s not here at all,’ said Bloat. ‘It’s me, Clarence, Bloat’s cousin.’
    â€˜Clarence?’
    â€˜Yes, Granny,’ said Bloat as the four of them tiptoed past the old creature towards the tunnel entrance.
    â€˜Why are you all tiptoeing past me towards the tunnel entrance? Anyone would think you hadn’t come to visit me at all and just wanted to go into the drains.’
    â€˜Oh Granny, how could you think such a thing?’ said Bloat.
    â€˜Because it’s true,’ said the old dragon. ‘No one comes to see me any more except Wee Blind Jock.’
    â€˜And we all know he’s not real, don’t we, Granny?’
    â€˜Of course he is. Look at all the wee on the floor. That’s Wee Blind Jock, that is. He comes every night and cocks his leg on me. How else do you think all this wee gets here?’
    The old dragon opened her eyes and tried to breathe fire, but all that came out of her nose was a puff of damp black smoke.
    â€˜I must get my nostrils cleaned out,’ she said. ‘They’re all full of clinker. I don’t suppose you could do it, could you? I’ve got a wire brush and if you do, I’ll let you touch my magic wart.’
    â€˜Hey, look,’ said Brat, pointing towards the cave entrance. ‘Here comes Wee Blind Jock now.’
    As the old dragon turned to look they ran away down the tunnel.
    â€˜Hello, Wee Blind Jock,’ they could hear Bloat’s granny say. ‘Come over here and speak up. I can’t hear you because you’re blind.’
    â€˜Are you sure this is the only way in and out of this tower?’ said Princess Floridian. ‘I don’t think I can go through all that rubbish every time.’
    â€˜Once we get set up in the tower, we can get Bloat to fly us in and out,’ said Brat. ‘We’ll just have to wait until it’s dark.’
    â€˜Can you see in the dark?’ the Princess asked Bloat.
    â€˜Of course I can,’ said the young dragon. ‘It’s easy.I mean, it’s only one colour, just a big black thing.’
    Princess Floridian began to wonder if the whole pretending-to-be-kidnapped thing had been such a good idea. Maybe it would have been better to have beaten up the