Free Shadow's End (Light & Shadow) by Moira Katson

my own were slippery with blood. I held a dead man in my lap, his weight was pressing down on me. I could smell copper and death. I shoved the body off my lap, pushed away from Miriel, and was sick on the floor.
    “Catwin?” Miriel reached out for my shoulder.
    “That doesn’t—“ My stomach twisted, and I gasped and spit up bile. “It doesn’t get any easier.” I saw Miriel look over her shoulder at the man on the ground, then back to me. She clasped my shoulder and knelt by my side, heedless of the mess.
    “Are you okay?” Her face was very c lose, her eyes worried. “Catwin?”
    “I’m…” I felt tears coming to my eyes, and realized that I had never cried in front of Miriel before. In front of Roine, in front of Donnett, once or twice during practice with Temar. Never in front of Miriel. I tried to hold the sobs back but I felt my throat ache with them and bent my head to hide my face. To my surprise, Miriel tugged gently on my arm and let me lay my head on her shoulder. I felt her arms around me, and the comfort of having her close.
    “You survived,” she said tentatively, and I shook my head.
    “He came for me ,” I said thickly. “Not you and me, just me.”
    “I should have saved you,” she whispered. “Like the time the man came for me, and you saved me. I should have saved you this time. I’m sorry.”
    I sat up and wiped my eyes angrily on my sleeve. “Sometimes I wish my father had listened to my mother,” I said. “She said it would be kinder to kill me than let me live only to be betrayed.”
    “Don’t say that!” Miriel was genuinely shocked , and I swallowed and looked down. I had not even thought before speaking the words.
    “It’s eating away at me,” I whispered my voice hoarse. I t was true, but I realized that I had never admitted this, even to myself. “I thought perhaps it was over when we came here, but what if it follows me all my life?”
    “Betrayal?” Miriel whispered, and I nodded. She frowned, and then she reached out and squeezed my hand. “I’ll protect you,” she said seriously. “The next one, I’ll kill.” I laughed at the thought, and she shook her head stubbornly. “I mean it, Catwin. You’ve saved us both, time and again. You protect me. I need to protect you, too.”
    “You don’t.” I shook my head, choking on my words , trying to find a way to show her that she did not owe me this. Miriel had gone still for a moment, thinking. Now she twined her fingers with mine once more and tilted her head to look into my eyes.
    “Are you well enough to walk?”
    “Where are we going?” I was not sure I had the energy to escape once more.
    “We’re going to the tavern,” Miriel said simply. “I’ve had enough of th eir cowardice. I won’t stay like this, with you in danger here, and the country in danger in the west. We’re going to secure their help.”
    “They might try to kill us.” My muscles were shaky; I was not sure if I could stand, let alone protect both of us. Miriel shook her head.
    “Someone already tried,” she pointed out. When I smiled weakly, she added, “I don’t think the Merchant wants us dead, or Jeram. I don’t think most of the men want us dead, either. We’ll be safe enough, maybe even safer than here.” I nodded after a moment, accepting the grim logic, and looked around myself for a pitcher and a towel.
    “I should wash.”
    “No, we’ll go as we are. And here.” Miriel leaned over and pried the dagger out of Aron’s lifeless fingers. “Take this. Someone will recognize it. What are you looking at?” Slowly, I stood and went to the window, pried back the shutters so that the moonlight spilled over the object in my hand. A heavy blade, a pitted handle carved with interlocking circles. The blade, finely crafted, and the ripples of the metal.
    “I’ve seen this dagger before,” I said softly. “The captain of the men who killed Garad—he carried its twin.” We stared at each other across the expanse