Free Operation Family by Marissa Dobson

birthday. I’m not sure that’s the world I want to see more life brought into. If the girls have already handled this much heartache, what is the rest of their life going to be like?”
    “I’ve been in a similar position where I’ve questioned the reason things happened. It leaves you with an emptiness in the pit of your stomach. It’s not a place I’d like to be again.” He had been to the point of wondering if it was all worth it, not long ago.
    “Why?” She leaned closer to him, almost as if she was going to touch him. “What brought you to that place and how did you get past it? Right now it feels like the world will never be the same.”
    “It will until you force yourself to look at the positives. Shawn is gone, but if you believe he’s still watching over the girls, then he’s not that far away. As for what brought me out of the depression, it was my men. They depend on me to have my head in the action, and if I can’t I’m going to get them killed.” More of them killed, he silently corrected.
    “You didn’t answer my entire question.”
    “I know.” He stood from the sofa and put distance between them. “That’s a story for another time.” Or never if he had his way. He didn’t need her to hear that he’d failed his men. That two of them were dead and another had lost his leg on a mission. He didn’t want to see the same look of disappointment in her eyes he saw in everyone else’s, or the grief he had witnessed with the widows.
    “I bare my soul but you get to brush me aside, is that how this works? If you won’t talk to me, how am I supposed to trust you? One thing Shawn never did was treat me as a lesser being because I was the twins’ nanny, and I won’t stand for you to do that to me either.”
    “I’m not.” He ran a hand over his head, feeling the buzz cut under his fingers. “What do you want me to say? I led my men into an ambush, two of them were killed on-site, and a third is now an amputee because of my decision. That’s what sent me down the spiral of doubt. Will that make you sleep better tonight, knowing I failed them?”
    “Mac—”
    “Don’t.” Without looking back, he headed for the door. “I need some air.” He had to get away from her before he made things worse, or before he could see what he expected to find in her eyes. There was no way he could stand to look at her every day if she thought he was a failure.

    Most of the time, his men didn’t look at him that way, but it didn’t stop the guilt from that day affecting every decision he made on missions. Next time, he could get them all killed and he couldn’t allow that. He had a duty to bring his team home; each of them had someone waiting for them. It wasn’t just Ace and Boom’s wives and children, each of his men had family and friends. People who would need him to look into their eyes and tell them what happened. He couldn’t, wouldn’t , do it again. He’d bring his men home, or he’d die on the battlefield with them.

Cold to the very core, Nicole was unsure how to handle Mac’s outburst. She wanted to go to him, but at the same time she couldn’t help but feel as if this was a battle they had to cross before anything could develop between them. They needed to be on solid footing for a friendship, for any kind of relationship. Lies or secrets would only make things more difficult further down the line.
    What the hell am I doing? I’m only the girls’ nanny, that’s all he’ll see me as. He only wants me in Virginia so he can stay a SEAL. She cursed herself for thinking she might be able to have a relationship with him. She was far too geeky once men started to get to know her, and she never attracted men like that . There was no doubt in her mind. Men like Mac went after cute little blondes with perky breasts, and stick figure bodies. That was something she could never compete with—her brown hair and eye combination was nothing spectacular, but it was the curvy figure that