Free To Say Goodbye by Lindsay Detwiler Page B

feelings were platonic. She would never feel something for Jackson. He was Tim’s best friend. That would be ridiculous. Still, it somehow felt wrong that as her husband’s side of the bed lay empty only months after his death, she lay here thinking about another man on his birthday.
    She wouldn’t do this, she couldn’t. She could be friends with Jackson if she guarded herself. She wouldn’t let anything grow between them that could be misconstrued. She would protect her heart from all men. She wouldn’t let them in.
    She couldn’t, after all. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Tim, the man who had been the love of her life, who always would be. Her heart was gone, given away to the waiter at Mama’s Diner all those years ago. He’d never given it back, not even when he left this world, not even when she tossed the final white rose on his grave.
    Her heart was six feet under, rotting away.
    As she drifted off to sleep, she thought back to a memory of Tim, replacing her guilty musings of Jackson with one of her favorite dates with her husband.
    _______________
    Sophia could feel the biting cold seeping into her skin, even through her hat, gloves, scarf, and ski coat. It was the kind of cold, snowy night where all was silent, where everything seemed preserved in a glassy cast. Her boots crunched in the snow as she followed Tim up the hill, her breaths coming in heavy pants from the exertion.
    What had they been thinking?
    He turned to look at her, his cheeks reddened from the cold. “Whose idea was this, anyway?” he teased.
    She gave him a playful scowl.
    “We’ll be there soon.”
    The battle of boredom had usurped them for the past two days. The town was in a state of emergency, so everything was closed down. Tim had stayed home to work from their home office. Pink Lemonade was shut down, buried under two feet of snow.
    The first day had been a glorious gift, Tim easily distracted from his work by her. They’d spent most of Wednesday tucked under their fluffy down comforter, basking in the warmth of their body heat.
    The second day of the snow emergency, which brought another seven inches, had been relaxing. She had sat in her cozy socks and yoga pants binge watching Orange is the New Black for a second time while Tim caught up on some trial preparations. She’d made a crockpot meal for dinner, and they’d enjoyed a few glasses of wine.
    By the third day, however, the prospect of another at-home day was maddening when an ice storm coated the already treacherous snow. Sophia wasn’t the sit-still kind of girl. She was antsy, always fidgeting, and doing. It drove Tim crazy—she never sat still, whether they were watching a movie or eating dinner. A third day of laziness might, in fact, drive her over the edge.
    “I’m going crazy! Can we please go somewhere?” she demanded earlier in the evening, stomping into Tim’s office and plopping herself on the desk in front of him.
    He smiled, shoving some papers aside as he put his hands on her knees. “Sorry, I left my team of sled dogs up North.”
    “I can’t stand doing nothing.”
    “There’s plenty to do. I mean, the filing cabinet needs to be cleaned out, the curtains could be ironed...”
    She playfully hit him. “Then why don’t you do it, you sexist ass.”
    “I’m not the bored one.”
    “Yeah, because you’re too busy being boring and doing work.”
    “I could take a break and spice things up with you if you want.” He stood now, leaning to kiss her neck.
    “While that sounds wonderful, I still want to get out of this house.”
    “Oh, we’re getting really spicy now, huh?” He grinned the boyish grin she knew all too well.
    “Stop it, you maniac. I just want to go shopping, go do something.”
    He kissed her cheek. “If you’re not out spending money, you’re not happy, huh?”
    She was, admittedly, a bit of a shopaholic. Luckily, his salary combined with her money from the salon let her quench her consumeristic cravings