Free A Year to Remember by Shelly Bell

didn’t end at the kiss. The stranger backed me up until we fell onto the couch, his hard body on top of mine. Then, because it was a dream after all, our clothes magically disappeared, and we made love. When I woke from the dream with my heart racing and a pulsing between my legs, I’d reach out for my mystery lover, feeling the loss of him. Then I remembered I don’t even know his identity.
    The last time I’d spoken with my brother, I casually asked if anyone mentioned me from the wedding. He laughed and told me everyone there mentioned me because of my toast. Tonight, I’d forget about everything from my past. I’d present an optimistic attitude and carry myself with confidence and dignity.
    When the door to the Underground opened, I strolled in with my head held high and smacked into Goldman.
    “Are you following me, Sara?”
    “What do you mean? Why would I follow you?”
    He stood close and he smelled really good. “I’m just kidding, Sara. Relax a little, have a drink.” He noticed Missy standing behind me and I could see surprise on his face.
    “I wouldn’t think this would be your scene.”
    “It’s not, but ...” She let the sentence just hang without explanation and blushed.
    But what?
    Goldman nodded.
    What did I miss? Why did it seem everyone was keeping a secret from me?
    “I’m going to get a drink. I’ll see you both later.” Goldman spun around in a hurry, leaving Missy and I to fend for ourselves.
    We hung our coats and proceeded to the check-in table where we ran into Elana, Steffi, and Lisa, three women we knew from our high school days. It’s a small Jewish world after all.
    “Is this your first time at speed dating?” Elana eyed my outfit with approval.
    “Yeah. What about you?”
    The room filled with dozens of singles anticipating the first speed dating round.
    “We’re speed dating experts. If you have any questions just ask us.”
    Yes, I have a question. If speed dating actually works, then why have you done it enough to become experts? A depressing thought. At least I can feel a tiny bit better about myself. They’re all older than me by a year, and they’re not married either.
    Steffi elbowed me in the side. “Isn’t that your old boyfriend?” she asked, pointing to a man in the corner of the room.
    There, standing between two of his friends was my high school boyfriend, Jamie Miller. Even hotter than at sixteen, Jamie had filled out since high school. Between his newfound muscles and the other changes in his appearance, I wondered what it would be like to hook up with him again.
    Jamie had been my first, and I had been his. We lost our virginity at sixteen, on our one-year anniversary. I’d like to say it was romantic, but honestly, I don’t see how anyone could have an amazing first time. Maybe I’d built it up in my head since I read a bunch of romance novels, but I didn’t get much pleasure out of it. First of all, I don’t think it lasted longer than two minutes.
    It had been my idea to have sex. We’d discussed it for months, trying to figure out when would be the best time. I didn’t want to wait, but Jamie wanted to wait until we were both sixteen.
    I went on a field trip to Chicago with my choir and bought a condom in a vending machine as a joke with my friends. When I came back from Chicago, Jamie and I were making out in Missy’s bed at her father’s apartment. I decided I didn’t want to wait any longer, so I pulled the condom out of my wallet. Two minutes later, he had taken my virginity.
    Missy had not been thrilled to learn Jamie and I had had sex in her bed. At least I changed her sheets afterward.
    At the time, Missy had been trying to convince herself she wasn’t gay by experimenting with boys. Two weeks after I lost my virginity in her bed, she lost her virginity to a childhood friend of hers named Toby. A year later, both she and Toby came out as gay.
    I hadn’t been totally shocked when she told me. After all, by then we had been