Free A Gray Life: a novel by Red Harvey

process he didn’t fully understand.
    The Man has seen to the continued sex- ed part of my schooling. I know things Gary would never have thought about.
    Thanks, you heartless bastard.
    * * * *
    September 9th
    When you can see a person’s ribs through their clothes, their anorexia has reached a critical point. Anorexia isn’t regularly taught in 7th grade. Not where I’m from. Like most of the lessons I’ve been learning from day to day, I've learned about anorexia from experience.
    Louise’s ribs aren't poking through her grungy t-shirt just yet, but her chin is more defined than it was, and her collarbone is like a hanger-rod holding up shoulders. She sleeps most of the day, and with her lack of food, it’s understandable. She has zero energy for anything else. Even when He comes to collect her, she shuffles to the kill room to do her duty. No screams or protests about it.
    Because I'm worried, and because Erin couldn’t do it herself, I talked with Louise today. I tried to reach her through the layers of hurt.
    “Do you wanna know I why I really take care of the Wasters when no one else does?”
    Her stare wouldn't have spurned on many, but I kept at it.
    “I take care of them because that’s what killed my mother.”
    A change in her blinking pattern told me I’d gotten her attention.
    “See, after He killed my dad, mom had no hope. She stopped talking, stopped eating, stopped caring. Erin and I were scared of how skinny she was getting, and we tried to make her eat. Nothing worked.” I thought it’d be easier to tell the story, seeing as how months had passed, but my voice was shakier than I wanted it. “I remember the day that I knew she wasn’t coming back from it. I woke up in the middle of the night, and there she was, awake. Her eyes were green emeralds flashing in her face. I still have nightmares about that night. Mostly because of her eyes. They weren’t her eyes anymore. It was like she was already dead. A few days later, she fell to the floor and didn’t get up. Hers was the first body Erin and I rolled up into the tarp for Him to take. Easy peasy, like trash.”
    Even though I wanted to cry, it wouldn’t have been right. I swallowed the softball in my throat.
    “ The same thing’s gonna happen to you.” She wasn’t looking at me. I tried again. “Louise, you’re gonna die.”
    Louise didn’t move. She didn’t seem to be listening to me. My big guns had fallen flat. I decided to try another way in.
    “We’ve talked about a lot of things, but you’ve never mentioned how you and---” saying Michael’s name right then would have been counter-productive, “----how you were taken. How did it happen?”
    It was quiet. I swear I could hear the sound of her wetting her eyeballs. My speech about my mother’s death and the possibility of her own death didn't move her. Why would a conversation about her capture bring her around?
    I stood up.
    I took two steps before she finally spoke.
    “It was a Tuesday. Michael and I were on a date, going to our favorite sushi restaurant. We ate the dollar sushi, but would have sprung for the lobster had we known it was going to be our last real meal. Anyway, we drank too much plum sake and had to walk home. Of course, we were scared of walking anywhere because walking, especially at night, was asking for trouble. We went anyway, with all the arrogance and stupidity of great youth. On the way, we stopped for cigarettes. Nasty habit brought on again by the arrogance of youth. Before I walked into the store, I saw red and blue light on the glass windows. An officer passed by in this patrol car. I wish I could say I felt a premonition, or that I got a chill from how he looked at me, but it was the exact opposite. Like a fool, I smiled at him, my cute smile, too. He tipped his hat at me, and kept driving. I was sure that was the end of it.”
    Her story was longer than I had expected. My legs were prickling with the beginnings of numbness, forcing me to