Free Made That Way by Susan Ketchen Page B

Dr. Cleveland.
    I wish Dr. Cleveland would say something more instead of blandly going along with everything. Doesn’t Taylor deserve to know the truth? This would be the perfect time to tell her because there are two adults present to deal with her fury and grief, and even more importantly, to protect me in case I get blamed for everything. I look to Kansas who is usually a confident straight-shooter type who tells things the way they are, but she is looking totally lost. I guess she isn’t comfortable here in the hospital like she is back on her farm, in the barn, surrounded by thousand-pound animals. This is more Dr. Cleveland’s territory, though of course Taylor isn’t her patient. Not yet anyway. Probably later she will be, when Taylor loses her mind about losing her toe and her future with the National Ballet.
    Maybe I should tell Taylor myself, and get it over with. It’s not exactly fair because I’m the youngest, but perhaps this is part of being a boss mare. Electra for example is small and has to deal with Hambone all the time and how fair is that?
    But then Taylor says, “I mean, I know it isn’t there any more, but it still feels like it’s there. It’s as though part of my brain doesn’t get it. And when I look at my foot, my toe still could be under all the bandages instead of lying in the dirt at the side of the road. It’s very weird. Very very weird.”
    â€œYour brain will adjust,” says Dr. Cleveland.
    â€œBut I like the drugs,” says Taylor with a wobbly smile.
    I can’t think of what to say. I’m hugely relieved that I don’t have to break the news to Taylor, but don’t know how to approach the other matter.
    â€œThough I suppose my dancing days are done,” says Taylor with a small sniff. “And running, and basketball and volleyball—not that I liked any of those sports. I guess I’ll be stuck on my butt for the rest of my life. Oh well.”
    Oh well ? That’s it? No drama, no My life is over ? No I will never forgive Sylvia for doing this to me ?
    Dr. Cleveland says, “Well, Taylor, you’ve lost a toe, not a leg. There are lots of sports left for you to try. Hey, you could even join our riding club.” She gestures to include me and Kansas.
    This is a ridiculous idea. Taylor is afraid of horses. Taylor is actually afraid of a lot of things. Surely there will be an eruption.
    â€œRight. Riding for the disabled. I’ve read about it,” says Taylor mildly.
    â€œYou would hardly qualify,” says Dr. Cleveland. “Not to mention that we’re all disabled in some way. Right, Kansas?”
    Kansas nods her agreement but I don’t understand what they’re getting at. I understand my own disability, my shortness, but can’t imagine how Dr. Cleveland is disabled. She is perfect, and of course there’s not a thing wrong with Kansas. Or at least I’ve never thought so, not on the farm where Kansas is in her element. I consider the ratty jean jacket that Kansas is wearing, her hair held back with the blue elastic from the bunch of broccoli. I like this look on the farm. Here it does look a little weird.
    Dr. Cleveland says, “What do you think, Kansas, can people ride if they’re missing a big toe?”
    â€œDon’t see why not,” says Kansas. “All the weight-bearing is on the ball of the foot, though the idea is to get your weight into your heel, and on your thighs of course.”
    â€œBlah blah blah,” says Taylor, her voice fading. I hope she is going to sleep, but then she says, “Hey. You’re really a shrink?”
    â€œMmm hmm,” says Dr. Cleveland.
    â€œWell how come you’re so tall?” Taylor giggles again. “Especially since you’re— what, Chinese?”
    She is so stoned. Though I’ve always wanted to know about Dr. Cleveland’s background and never thought it appropriate to