Free Twitterature by Alexander Aciman Page B

foreigner. And a woman.
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    Wonʼt someone please at least pity-fuck me? Sex with a blind and deaf chick must at least be a novelty.
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    Just donʼt put your hands in my mouth. I donʼt do that.
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    Iʼm a really good premise for a joke. I mean, Iʼm literally disabled in every single way. Itʼs kind of cheap comedy.
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    I hope my physical disabilities wonʼt overshadow my accomplishments.

All Quiet on the Western Front
    by Erich Maria Remarque
    @RemarquableTale
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    Iʼve always heard, Ê»Paul. Listen to adults, and teachers.ʼ You too? Well, donʼt. We could be in Hamburg cracking open a Holsten instead.
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    Basic training was pretty soul-crushing. Corporal Himmelstoss was a cruel martinet! Like the principal, but school sucked more.
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    Lifeʼs been pretty rough here. The days pass, people die. Soldiers donʼt get workmanʼs comp, either.
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    Oh, weʼre just hanging out, waiting for bombs, snipers, gas. Hate the poison gas most. That stuff really stings.
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    Corporal Himmelstoss showed up. What a fruit. He wants to be our friend. Well fuck him, and his crazy German last name.
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    Itʼs summer. They say weʼre due a vacation . . . TO THE FRENCH FRONT! This is gonna be a trip to remember. Whereʼs my camera?
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    Weʼre just fighting, kickinʼ ass, not even taking names. Eat my bayonet, clowns!
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    Summer vacation is over. Wow, a whole bunch of our comrades died, didnʼt they? At least I have their pictures.
    We are close to a town. We can finally get some poon-tank.
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    The men I fight with are my brothers. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. Oh, another one of my brothers got shot.
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    Iʼm on patrol, and I see this French soldier. I beat him up. Then I look at his body and see that heʼs human, like me. Quelle surprise!
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    I guess war is war.
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    The war is going poorly for us Deutsche-folk. Never thought weʼd lose. At least this will be the war to end all wars.
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    I get to go home because of poison gas. I hope I donʼt die before we see the end of this -

To Kill a Mockingbird
    by Harper Lee
    @BooScout
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    Thanks to Andrew Jackson, a series of commotions occurred resulting in my brotherʼs arm being broken, dashing his hopes of gridiron glory.
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    More specifically, it all started when this wise-ass convinced us we should draw the town freak out of his basement.
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    Jem and Dill and I keep leaving him gifts, but he wonʼt come out. But weʼre so young and innocent.
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    My brother has to babysit a morphine addict. Sheʼs ninety. It seems sketchy to me, but Dad says we just have to do it.
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    Why does Dad say such LAME shit? I donʼt want to walk a mile in ANYONE elseʼs shoes. Toe jam, nail fungus, athleteʼs foot anybody? Gosh.
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    Dad always preaches about the Ê»right thingʼ and stuff. What does a heroic, moral single father/populist lawyer know about the right thing?
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    If I didnʼt know better, Iʼd say he was fighting for the REDS. Dirty pinko bastard.
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    My dad has been appointed to defend Tom Robinson. More like Uncle Tom Robinson, if you ask me.
    Tom accused of raping a woman, but Iʼm pretty sure they just got it on. Canʼt a brother get some tush?
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    Went to the trial. Tom seems innocent. Also, it occurs that our town is full of racists. Perhaps only the eyes of a child can see the truth.
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    Is it weird that the youngest, least worldly-wise person in town comprehends reality most clearly? Itʼs an insightful irony.
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    Dad totally embarrassed Boozer Bob. Iʼm sure this wonʼt come back to bite us in some way. Also sure sun rises in the west.
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    A womanʼs house burned down. It was pretty sad watching her entire life go up in smoke and flames, except that fire is so AWESOME.
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    All-white jury convicted Tom. That was surprising. I figured ten minutes of deliberation meant that the verdict was