Free Alex by Adam J Nicolai

  I'm fucking unstable.   Keep pushing and find out.
    But it was an empty, stupid threat.   He wasn't one of those guys who was going to bring a gun to work and kill everyone.   He wasn't going to throw his life - such as it was - away over Sheila Fucking Swanson.
    You don't have the guts, he imagined her saying.
    He rapped sharply on Justin's cube wall.   "I need to talk to -"
    Justin waved at him, pointed at the headset he was wearing.   "Mm hm.   Well, that's possible.   I can look into it."
    Ian took a deep breath.   He wanted to scream, to break something.  
    "Tomorrow's Friday, and we're already down three people.   Would next week work?   Otherwise Kate may be available too."   Pause.   "Yeah.   Okay, just take a look at the calendar.   My schedule's up to date."   Pause.   "All right, sounds good!"   Pause.   "Okay.   Thanks.   Bye.
    "Ian!   What's going on?"   He took off the headset, gestured at one of the chairs in his cube.
    "I'd like to move desks.   Across the wall."   Ian didn't sit down.
    "Okay.   What's going on?" Justin repeated.
    "I'm just...   Sheila is driving me nuts.   It's like she lives to bug me."   Jesus, he sounded whiny.   "You know, she's twenty years old and doesn't really get what I'm going through, and she...
    "She actually told me that I should be getting here on time in the mornings since I don't have to worry about Alex anymore."   He scoffed.   "Can you fucking believe that?   It's so... fucking... callous. "
    Justin recoiled from the vulgarity, like he'd just watched Ian whip his dick out.   "Okay.   Okay.   Are you sure you're not just taking a little too much offense to that?"
    A hand of ice grasped Ian's stomach.    "Excuse me?"   His hand was trembling.
    "No, I just mean... Maybe she's just trying to give you some advice?"
    Or maybe you love looking down her shirt so much that you'll take her fucking side on anything.   "I didn't ask for her advice."   He pronounced each syllable carefully, neutrally.   "She needs to mind her own goddamn business."
    "Ian, please .   Mind your language, we have people on the phone."
    Ian blinked.  
    "Tell you what.   Let's go into a quiet room to discuss -"
    "No.   You know what?   Forget it."
    44
     
    "Daddy, I don't like that black hat."
    Yeah, you said that this morning.   He hit his signal, eased into the next lane.
    "Daddy, I don't like that black hat."
    Alex, please.
    "Daddy, I don't like -"
    Alex, god dammit!
    45
     
    He made a frozen pizza for dinner, and burned his thumb pulling it out of the oven.   He recoiled, roaring, and dropped the thing on the floor.  
    " Fuck! "
    He almost kicked the oven rack with his bare foot, but stopped himself when he realized how stupid it would be; instead, he tried to slam the oven door closed with the rack still halfway out.  
    Bam!   Bam!   BAM!
    The door closed.
    "Daddy are you okay?"   His son was in the doorway to the dining room, eyes wide with worry, and Ian suddenly felt acutely ashamed.  
    "Yeah.   I'm okay."   He slopped up the pizza with a towel, wincing at the pain in his thumb, before turning to the sink to run his burn under cold water.   "Sorry.   I didn't mean to yell."  
    Alex didn't hear; he'd already gone.  
    Fuck it.   Ian grabbed a box of cereal from the cupboard and the half gallon carton of milk from the fridge.   He remembered when they'd had to buy two full gallons at a time to keep up with Alex's voracious appetite for milk.   Cinnamon Toast Crunch it is.
    He carried the meal into the living room, where Alex was sitting on the couch.  
    "Daddy, can we watch Word Girl?"
    Ian resolutely flipped on the TV to Law & Order and poured himself a bowl of cereal.  
    "Daddy, can we watch Word Girl please?"
    No.   Not tonight.  
    "Why not? "
    Ian chewed through a mouthful of crunchy cinnamon cereal.   Disgusted, Alex ran into his room to play.
    46
     
    He came back into the living room at eight o'clock, in footie pajamas and