Free 51 Shades of Maggie, Liverpool Style by Leesa Harker

with the blood rushin to my head an then he flipped me over an had me from the back an I was like a rag doll. Every position in the Kama Sutra was done.
    Then he said for me to go over to this big wooden bar thing so I went an he put my head an my hands through three holes so I’m hangin like I’m about to get my head chopped off or somethin. Then he put that blindfold on me again an I said to myself, Lord what’s he up to now. Then I got ready for a whip or a smack but didn’t he belt me with somethin that felt like a stick an I screamed, ‘Aaaargh! What the fuck was that?’ It was achin.
    An he said, ‘Call me sir!’
    Then I said, ‘What the fuck was that, sir?’
    Then he told me to shut up an I thought to myself, I’m not havin this. So I was about to tell him not to talk to me like that when he walloped the breath out of me with the stick thing and I went, ‘Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!’ an he started comin down on my arse with the stick over an over an I could hardly breathe with the pain. Honest to God it was like gettin stabbed in the arse with a pitchfork by a big farmer.
    Then I remembered the safe word an I shouted, ‘Maggie says no !’ But the bastard kept on hittin me an my arse was on fire. An then the rage built up in me an I was goin crazy screamin, ‘Get me out you bastard!’ I was wrigglin an tryin to pull my head out of the trap I was in an I was thinkin to myself, he’s gonna get decked when I get out of here. An then he must have snapped out of the frenzy cos he stopped an he dropped the stick an was sayin sorry over an over an I said, ‘Get me the fuck out of this thing now!’ An then when he finally released me, I jumped up, I was even cryin with rage, an I turned round an stuck my head into the cunt – ‘Liverpool kiss, you ballbag!’ He stumbled backwards an fell on the bed, holdin his nose.
    Then I said, ‘You fucked up Disturbia cunt.’ An he tried to say sorry an asked if I wanted some Sudocrem for my arse an I said, ‘Naaaaa. But you’re gonna need your nose looked at.’ Sure the blood was pissin out of it – it looked like a busted boot. Then I grabbed my clothes, shoved them on an left him standin there.
    An I walked out of his flat thinkin, no man’s gonna beat the life out of me no matter how gorgeous he is in those chinos. I’m not havin it, I’m a fuckin goddess, I’m every woman, it’s all in me! Girl power! So I think to myself, next stop, Sally-Ann’s. She’ll cheer me up a treat. So I went round to her flat an we got stuck into the White Lightning.
    I nearly died tellin her about that brute canin me, an she said, ‘Now that’s a bit too far. Nothin wrong with a bit of bondage – I dropped candle wax on Seamie Smith’s bell-end an put a tennis ball in his mouth an he loved it – he ended up with lock-jaw, but he said it was worth it.’
    Then I told her about me stickin the head into him an she said to me, ‘Oh you’re brilliant, Maggie, no wonder you lamped him!’
    Then I realised that I don’t need a man anyway, I have my Big Sally-Ann. An mates are thicker than water. So I asked her about Igor an she said to me, ‘He got lifted last night for exposin himself to the public’
    An I said, ‘Whaaaaaaaa?’
    An she said, ‘We were havin a quickie up against a tree an two policemen were walkin by the railins an saw us at it. So, we bolted an I flew off an hid in the toilets but he ran the other way an they caught him.’ So I had to laugh like.
    Then she said, ‘Sure, it’s better to be single, so you can shag who you want to.’
    An then I said, ‘True. Let’s head out on the tear.’
    So we headed out to the Red Lion an downed a load of shots, and then walked over to some fellas I recognised from the estate.
    An she winked at me an said, ‘I bagsy him with the Kappa top on