Free Love Is Blind by Claudia Lakestone

his face in my long hair and inhaling the fragrant scent of my shampoo appreciatively.
    “I – I’ve never done this before,” I confessed sheepishly.
    He pulled back a little, giving me some space.  “Okay.”  He said it like it was no big deal but I could tell he was surprised.  He hesitated momentarily and then, almost as though he was afraid of the answer, asked, “Do you not want to…?”
    “Oh no, I want to,” I quickly assured him, blushing even as I said it.  God, did I want to.
    “So then…?” 
    Something he’d told me had been nagging away in the back of my mind.  Now that we were here, it had bubbled to the surface, an insistent concern that just wouldn’t go away.  I took a deep breath and then, with a fair amount of reluctance, told Chris what was eating away at me.

Chapter 10
    “You said your nickname used to be Playboy,” I reminded Chris as I pulled my t-shirt back down to cover my heaving breasts and sensitive, erect nipples.  All I wanted was for him to keep playing with me, but I couldn’t ignore my reservations any longer.
    He rolled off of me, looking angry.  Whether it was with me or his own self-admittedly sordid past, I wasn’t sure.  “Yeah,” he muttered.  His face was unreadable.  “It was.”
    It killed me to dwell on the subject.  It killed me to dwell on any subject.  I didn’t want to be talking.  I wanted to be in Chris’s arms naked and safe and loved.  I wanted to give myself to him completely, mind, body and soul.  The last thing I wanted was to grill him about things I’d rather not be thinking about at all. 
    But if there’s one thing I’ve always been, it’s cautious. 
    Maybe I’m too sensitive.  Maybe I take things too personally.  I probably go to such lengths to protect my heart because my ego has been battered and bruised so many times over the years.  No matter what the reason, I knew I couldn’t risk letting Chris hurt me.  I had to ask the question that naturally followed.
    “How do I know you’re not just… ?”  I trailed off, unsure of which words I should use.
    Chris propped his hand up on his head.  Then he winced a little and shifted around uncomfortably.  I looked down and saw a bulge in his jeans but to his credit, his attention was focused on my concerns.  “How do you know I’m not just going to use you and then throw you away,” he finished sadly.  “That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it?”
    “Yes,” I confessed quietly.
    He reached out for me and his hand bumped into my arm.  He stroked my bare skin gently.  “You’re so different from any girl I’ve ever met,” he said with such earnestness that I had no choice but to believe him.  “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, and I’m different now, too.  I’m absolutely, without a doubt in this for the long haul, Michelle.  But nothing I tell you matters.”
    Blinking, I looked at him in confusion.  I hadn’t been expecting that last part.  “It…doesn’t?”
    “No.  I’ve been one of those guys, Michelle…the smooth talkers who know exactly what to say to get a girl into bed with them.  I’d never do that to you but the point is, you have no reason to believe me.  And you shouldn’t.”
    I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  What was he saying?  “I don’t understand.”
    Chris pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed it tenderly.  I was too stunned to pull away.
    “Don’t believe a word I say,” he repeated.  “ Don’t trust me.  Trust yourself.  If you have doubts about me or if this doesn’t feel right, then it’s okay.  There’s nothing I want more than you, Michelle, but only if you’re ready.”
    Wrapping my arms tentatively around his waist, I clung to him.  I could feel the bulge in his pants brushing against my thigh and it sent a shiver of delight down my spine.  My nipples pressed insistently against his chest and I knew he could feel how hard they were, yearning for his