Free An-Ya and Her Diary by Diane René Christian Page B

me? Why did She leave me? Why did She leave me? Why did She leave me? Why did She leave me? Why did She leave me? Why did She leave me? Why did She leave me? Why did She leave me? Why did She leave me? Why did She leave me?
    Why.
    I want to crawl back into Her belly and start over again.
    110
    Dear Penny,
    Ellie’s cheek looks purple now. I can’t stand looking at her. She is afraid of me now. When I come into the same room as her, she runs and hides between Wanna’s legs.
    Wanna isn’t speaking to me. I keep waiting for her to ask me to talk or to say sorry to Ellie or say something, anything. Wanna won’t even look at me. Daddy hasn’t been home. He has been working really late.
    Just when I was starting to feel comfortable, when I was starting to feel like I might fit in here—I messed it all up. I let myself down, I let you down by not keeping you safe, and I let my family down. I’m sure I let Her down too. I mean, she didn’t put me in the box expecting me to grow up smacking people. Right?
    111
    Dear Penny,
    Sitka came over and wanted to play with me. I asked Wanna if it was ok and she waved her hand at me and said —Go.
    So I put Angel Bones on a leash and left.
    Sitka wanted to know why Wanna was acting weird, and I told her that Wanna was mad at me for smacking Ellie in the face. Sitka asked me why I would do something so mean, and I told her that Ellie stained you. I told her about us being found in the box together.
    She didn’t really get it, why you were so important. She said that no book was more important than a sister. Sitka said that she wished that she had a sister and especially wished that she had a sister as sweet as Ellie. I think she was mad at me too. She told me that I needed to say sorry and be extra nice to Ellie to make up for it. I don’t think that saying sorry will fix things. I don’t think I am worth forgiving.
    Sitka let it go and we played. She wanted to hunt bugs, but I thought that was too gross and plus we didn’t have anything to put the bugs in. So instead we played that we were superheroes. I had the super power of seeing through things. I could see through houses, trees, even people. Sitka wanted the super power of reading people’s minds. Angel Bones had super sniffing powers. We are probably too old to be playing superheroes, but Sitka didn’t care. She seemed like she was having fun and was being really funny. When someone walked by, she would tell me what he was thinking and it was hard not to laugh. She said one man was thinking that he wished that he could run down the street in his underwear.
    112
    Dear Penny,
    I did what Sitka told me to do. I said I was sorry. It took some time to get the words out. I sat in my room and thought about it and then would go and find Ellie and she would hide. So I went back to my room and sat on my bed and thought some more until I was ready to try again. It took several tries before I finally went back and the words came out.
    Ellie was sitting on a kitchen stool and watching Wanna cut celery up. They were making tuna fish sandwiches together. When Ellie saw me, she jumped off of the stool and stood next to Wanna. It was hard to look at her with her cheek still marked by my hand. I walked up to Ellie and bent down and said—
    I am sorry, Ellie. I know you are scared of me, but I didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s just that my book is really important to me. I shouldn’t have hit you, and I won’t do it again.
    The words came out exactly the way I had practiced them. Ellie stared at me and I waited for her to say something. Wanna didn’t say anything and kept cutting the celery without looking up.
    Finally Ellie stepped away from Wanna—and took my hand and kissed it.
    And then she stepped back to Wanna’s side. I said—
    Thanks Ellie.
    …and walked back to my room. I don’t know how she forgives so easily.
    113
    Dear Penny,
    Sitka went with us to the lake. Her parents work a lot at the hospital, and Wanna told Mrs.