Free What Goes Around... by Carol Marinelli Page A

as been marvellous actually.
    I’ll hear anytime soon, the lady I spoke to told me. I think they are speaking with his GP and I should hear later this afternoon.
    Please God that he got the Viagra from Dr Patel and not the internet.
    Please may he not have taken anything else, or been doing something kinky. Please let it all be above board, please may there be nothing else to find out.
    Wouldn’t they just love it, wouldn’t they love hearing that their father did the same to me?
    ‘Lucy,’ Jess comes to the door. ‘Phone.’
    ‘I’ll stay with Charlotte,’ Mum says , and sits down to knead a less resisting shoulder as I go out to the landing.
    ‘It’s Alice,’ Jess says and I take the phone and walk back to the bedroom to give it to Charlotte, but Jess stops me. ‘She wants to speak to you.’
    Great!
    Alice wants to discuss the hymns and reading and things – she’s not trying to take over she assures me– which is a joke. Everything I suggest she dismisses, says that her dad wouldn’t want that – as if she sat down and discussed it all in detail with him just last week.  ‘We just want some input,’ Alice says and I close my eyes - some input? They’re running the show. I wanted the funeral parlour that does it all, and a cremation, but you’d think I wanted to burn him alive from their reaction. Now it’s to be held in a church. I just grit my teeth and force myself to sound pleasant when I respond to her.
    Wicked s tepmother indeed!
    ‘Why don’t you email me some of your favourite hymns and readings and tell me who you want to speak?’
    Oh, but that’s not enough for them.
    ‘Could we be there when yo u discuss the service with the vicar?’
    I’m the nicest stepmother I know. ‘Of course,’ I say. ‘He’s coming this evening. You’re more than welcome to come over.’ I receive reluctant thanks and while I’m being so nice and reasonable , I decide that it’s time for them to be.
    ‘Is Eleanor home from the hospital?’ There’s another round of silence but I push on. ‘Only, I tried to ring and left a message. The thing is, Charlotte’s desperate to see the baby and normally your dad would have taken her to visit by now. I was going to ring Noel…’
    That prompts her to speak. ‘Eleanor’s still in the hospital.’
    ‘Is everything okay?’ I ask.
    ‘Just a few problems with feeding - the baby was a bit small.’
    ‘Okay.’ I think of Charlotte, I think of the one piece of good news I can give her and it forces me to speak on. ‘I might bring Charlotte in to visit this afternoon.’
    ‘Mum’s there a lot.’
    That was my warning not to go, I tell Jess. She really is the most amazing friend. Jess has taken this week off work. There is just so much to sort out and we’re wading through it and she's helping me–but she won't help me with this. ‘Please Jess, I can’t ha ve Mum take her…’
    Mum will say something wrong, I know it.
    Mum will say too much, for sure.
    Mum doesn’t give a fag who knows.
    ‘Please, can you just do this?’ But the answer is no, Jess won’t take Charlotte to see the baby, it's something she thinks that I have to do myself.
    ‘I can't!’ I'm horrified at the prospect, especially as Alice has practically told me that Gloria will be there. ‘I just can't walk in and face Gloria. I can't face any of them.’
    I’m not worried about Eleanor, things aren't so terrible between us–she was already married by the time her parents broke up and she and Noel have always been polite with me and lovely with Charlotte. Though it is going to be a bit awkward to see her. We’d guessed that the baby might not be Noel’s when we found out Noel had left a couple of weeks ago. We’d sort of worked it out…
    We.
    I feel panic closing around me. I’m not a part of a we any more – it’s just me.
    He used to do all of this.
    ‘Please Jess?’ I hate to ask again, Jess has done so much already, but I hate even more that she's holding my hands