Free 10 Things to Do Before I Die by Daniel Ehrenhaft

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    Nikki grabs the napkin and snatches the pen away from Mark and starts scribbling something herself.
    8. Pull a crazy stunt, like bungee jump off the GW Bridge.
    “See, Ted, your problem is that you don’t like putting yourself in dangerous situations,” she informs me. “You have to laugh publicly in the face of death—like that magician, David What’s-his-face. You know? The guy Who froze himself in a block of ice? That’s the key to living a full life. Damn, What’s his name? David …”
    “David Blaine?” I say.
    She nods. “Yeah, him.”
    “That’s the key to living a full life?”
    She nods again.
    “Freezing yourself in a block of ice,” I repeat. “Bungee jumping off the George Washington Bridge.”
    “Exactly,” Nikki says. “You know. Something stupid, like What Mark Would do.”
    We both giggle again, like idiots.
    I spot Mark in the corner, talking on the phone. When did he start making calls? He gives me a thumbs-up. There’s a satisfied “We’re all set!” gleam in his eye. Clearly he’s just confirmed something of extreme importance, but I have no idea What it could be or Who he’s talking to. He mutters something incomprehensible and hangs up.
    “Dude!” he yells, elated.
    “What’s going on?”
    “I just found out Where Billy Rifkin lives,” he says.
    “Billy Rifkin?” I don’t know Why, but this makes me laugh harder than I’ve laughed all night. I double over in hysterics. Scotch spills onto the floor.
    “Get outta here!” Nikki yells.
    “You know What that means, don’t you?” Mark asks me.
    Nikki swats me on the shoulder. “It means Ted’s gotta go get him!”
    I stop laughing. “Huh?”
    “That’s right, dude,” Mark concurs. His eyes are unsteady. “This is What you’ve been Waiting for. 525 West Seventy-third Street. Number 15E. You’ve gotta get back at that little pecker for making you look like a fool. I mean, you remember how you felt that day, right? With everybody laughing at you? With your guitar strings in the sewer—”
    “Yeah, yeah, I remember.”
    I try to straighten up on the couch. A sudden onslaught of vertigo sends me crashing into Nikki. Oops. Best just to get off the couch altogether. With a mighty grunt I propel myself up to a standing position. (Or close enough. The teetering makes full uprightness impossible.) “What about the other stuff on that napkin?” I ask, trying not to slur my Words. “What about partying With Shakes the Clown? Billy is number four, right? Shouldn’t I party With Shakes the Clown first?”
    Mark raises his eyebrows. “Uh … Ted?” He shoves the napkin back in his pocket and Waves a drunken hand around the room. “I don’t see Shakes the Clown here. If you’re hiding them somewhere, fine. Let’s get started. Otherwise We have to be realistic. We have to Work With What We’ve got. Know What I’m saying?”
    I do my best to stick my tongue out at him. It’s difficult. I’m smiling uncontrollably.
    “Now, listen, Burger,” Mark says. “Don’t Worry about a thing.” He lurches forward and throws a sweaty arm around my shoulders. “We’re gonna take care of that other stuff, too. Even the first thing! That’s right. You’re going to become a man tonight. But you gotta trust me on this. Okay? Will you trust me? Will you trust your old pal Mark? You gotta beat the crap outta this kid. Say the address back to me: 525 West Seventy-third Street. Apartment 15E. And—Burger!”
    “What?”
    “Have you heard a Word I’ve said?”
    “Have I heard …?” I crack up again. “That’s funny. Rachel asked me that exact same thing earlier.”
    Mark opens his mouth. Then he closes it and blinks a few times, gulping loudly. “Listen up,” he says, his voice strained. “We have a plan now. You’re gonna go uptown and beat the crap out of Billy Rifkin. In the meantime We’re gonna stay here and deal With the rest of this list for you. We’re even gonna figure out nine and ten. We’re gonna