Free Crash and Burn (Daddy's Girls 0.5) by Chelsea Camaron Page B

just to hear her voicemail message. I slept in my dad’s t-shirts for the longest time. At first they kept the nightmares at bay, but not anymore. Day by day, the pain from my loss becomes greater. There is no light coming through the window; darkness engulfs me. The loss is too deep to see any way out. I don’t need the pain to go away; I need my parents.
    Yes, I’m an adult by legal standards, but, at nineteen, I still need guidance. I’m a sophomore in college. I spent last year with not a care in the world. This year, I have no direction and no one to help me tunnel through the challenges of adulthood. I share an apartment with my best friend, Maggie. She’s a constant reminder of what I’ve lost, even though she doesn’t mean to be.
    Maggie has been my best friend since we met in high school. Our parents became friends and now they are the closest thing to family I have left. My grandparents died when I was younger, and my aunts and uncles were never close with my parents. Maggie and the entire Lawson family have been amazing in helping me navigate the many facets of estate inheritance. I don’t know what I would do without them. They are a painful reminder of my own parents, but there is no way I could’ve done any of this without their support. I wouldn’t have returned to Charlotte and gone back to school if it wasn’t for their encouragement. I have enough money for my lifetime. If I budget and don’t frivolously spend, I don’t need to work or have an education. The settlement from the drunk drivers company took care of that. Alas, the Lawson’s begged me to follow through with my goals, as if my parents were still here. They are watching over me still, so they say, and would want to see me succeed.
    Well, mom and dad, I survived my first full semester without you. I’m drowning in my despair, and there is no desire within me to reach for a life preserver.
     
     
     
     

 
     
    Of course, every college student here is celebrating the end of another semester; Maggie included. She recently started dating someone, but they aren’t exclusive. He seems nice enough. I’m happy for her. It’s sad, but, really, I’m happy she’s out of my hair. Tonight, she’s staying at his place for a party. Here I am in our apartment, snuggled into our couch; silent reflection is on my evening agenda.
    Maggie means well, but I have no desire to go out and have a good time. How can I have a good time? My parents can’t have a good time anymore. How can I find reasons to smile? There are no more smiles left for my mom and dad. How can I move on? They can’t move on. Unless you have faced a loss like mine, you can’t tell me how to pick up the pieces of my life. How is someone supposed to pick up the pieces in their life, when the two people who created that life are gone? There are no pieces of my life without my parents. They made me. They loved me. They raised me. They are me. How do I go on without that?
    My phone rings bringing me out of my reverie. Looking at the caller ID, I shrug. Get your shit together Dina, if you don’t answer in the right tone, Harrison will see right through you.
    “Hello.” I answer, with a strong but failed attempt at chipper.
    “Hey, Dina, how’s it going baby girl?”
    “Good, Harrison. Today was the last day of finals. How are you?” I reply trying not to sound so desolate.
    “Things have been busy. Sorry I haven’t called much this week. They have us on the work up for the next deployment.”
    “It’s okay. Mags and I know you are getting ready to leave. We’ve both been studying, so not much time to think about who has or hasn’t called.” I lied. There may not have been thoughts about who has or hasn’t called, but there has been plenty of time for me to drown in my sorrows. And I have noticed. Harrison may be Maggie’s big brother in blood, but he’s my big brother in heart. His calls are the only thing that snaps me out of my absence in life.
    “You okay, D?