Free Amber Brown Is Green with Envy by Paula Danziger Page A

and I go over and sit on the couch in front of Polly.
    She smiles at us. “That boy is driving me crazy.”
    “Me too,” Savannah and I, Amber Brown, say at exactly the same time.
    We link pinkies.
    Polly says, “We have to talk quickly before Dylan gets back. Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to tell a joke that makes absolutely no sense….. no sense at all…but when I get to the punch line, which is ‘No soap. Radio,’ you two are going tolaugh a lot, and so will I. That will confuse Dylan.”
    I like that!
    Savannah says, “I don’t get it.”
    “Exactly,” Polly explains. “The joke doesn’t make any sense. Dylan will see us laugh and feel stupid that he doesn’t get it. Or he will laugh, and then he’ll feel stupid when we make fun of him for laughing at a joke that makes no sense.”
    She whispers, “When he hears the three of us laughing, he’s going to think that he’s missing something, and that will bother him. He’s such a know-it-all.”
    We all smile at each other.

    “Amber, when he comes in, tell a short joke. That way it will look like that’s what we’ve been doing while he was gone.” Polly looks at the doorway to see if he’s on his way. “Okay, now.”
    Dylan rushes in. “I made popcorn, but it’s just for me.”
    Sitting down, he shoves a huge handful of it in his mouth and goes, “Yum.”
    At least I think it’s “Yum,” because with the wad of popcorn in his mouth and the wet pieces spraying out, I’m not sure of the exact word.
    I turn back to Savannah and Polly.
    “What’s the longest word in the English language?” I ask, and then yell out loudly, “Smiles! Because there is a MILE between each S…. sMILEs.”
    “I EW AT.” More popcorn falls out of his mouth.
    “I have a great joke.” Polly leans forward.
    Savannah and I pretend to be excited.
    She leans down. “Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first one says, ‘Pass the soap.’ The second one says, ‘No soap. Radio.’”
    Immediately Savannah and I look at each other and laugh….. and laugh….. and laugh.
    I start rolling around on the floor. “No soap. Radio.”
    Savannah rolls also. “No soap. Radio. That is so funny.”
    Polly says, “It’s the best joke I’ve heard in years.”
    I sneak a look at Dylan.
    He’s stopped guzzling popcorn into his mouth.
    He looks confused.
    Polly looks at him and then talks to him in that older-sister voice. “Dylan. Don’t you get it?”
    He just looks at her.
    She looks at him. “Dylan. Two polar bears. Bathtub. No soap. Radio. Savannah and Amber are younger than you….. and they get it.”

    I roll around some more. “No soap. Radio.”
    I sit up and try to catch my breath. “Dylan. Do you want me to explain it to you?”
    “No.” He looks annoyed. “You don’t have to. I get it. I just had too much popcorn inmy mouth before. I get it. It’s very funny. No soap. Radio.”
    He laughs in a phony way.
    Polly, Savannah and I look at each other, clap our hands and laugh even more.
    “Sucker,” Savannah yells. “We fooled you. Fool. Fool. Fool.”
    Dylan looks at Savannah.
    Dylan looks at me.
    Then he looks at Polly and says, “What’s so funny?”
    “You are.” She smiles at him. “We got you. That really wasn’t a joke. We pretended it was, and you believed us.”
    “Funny. Funny. Funny.” Savannah rolls around the floor again.
    “Noooooooooooo soap. Radio,” I tease.
    “Girls,” he yells. “I hate girls. It was bad enough when I just had my two sisters here….. and now, you too, Amber Brown. It’s like I have three sisters. Ugh. Yug. Barf.”
    He stomps out of the room.
    We sit there quietly for a minute.
    “There’s nothing to do,” Savannah says. “That was fun. Now I’m bored.”
    “Maybe we should turn on some music,” Polly says.
    I shake my head. “No radio. Soap.”
    It is time to make soap.
    I just hope that Dylan doesn’t do something to get even.

Chapter
Three

    We’re in the kitchen.