Free KNOT: A Wake Family Novel by M. Mabie Page B

and I already felt my balls tightening, but I didn’t move. If it weren’t for my hand holding her where she was, she would have pressed herself back on me. Taking all of me. Like she’d done plenty of times before.
    Not this time. She was enjoying it my way, and I wasn’t about to let her rob herself of really experiencing it.
    “If you press against me, I’ll pull out. This is all you get for now.”
    “But I want you,” she declared. “I want more.”
    I could have come right then. It was a moment I wouldn’t soon forget.
    Finally, when I felt her relax against the bed, I rubbed her back in appreciation. I’d been mere seconds from plunging into her, balls deep. I wanted more, too, but when we finally got more, it would be worth it.
    For both of us.
    I ran my fingers over her ribs and leaned forward to reach down between her legs and began to lightly rub her with the pads of my fingers. It was something, but it would never be enough.
    We’d never played like that before. It was the most she’d ever listened to me. Ever . Then the thought crossed my mind, maybe it was an opportunity for her to actually hear me. More than just my requests, maybe she’d hear what I always tried to tell her.
    If I could only say it.
    I swallowed again, then spoke. “I know you want to come, and you will. I’ll make you come harder than you ever have if you let me do it my way. If you wait.”
    She leaned up on her hands and pressed her back against my chest, but she didn’t push back against my cock. The smell of her neck nearly crippled me, and I raged against my will to push into her.
    Suddenly, a ringing roared to life in my ears, and my vision blurred. My stomach felt empty and twisted, and a rush of words flew by in my mind. I watched them, losing the war with my focus.
    You’ll never be enough.
    You’ll never make her happy.
    She doesn’t need you.
    And I subtly shook my head to clear them away.
    Ten .
    No. Not fucking now.
    “Why couldn’t you ever just trust me?” I asked. The ache of knowing she never did, never would, overwhelmed me.
    She looked over her shoulder and her glassy eyes met mine. “It wasn’t you who I didn’t trust,” she confessed. She blinked lazily. “Is that what you think?”
    We didn’t have many moments like that anymore. Honest and quiet. Defenses down. Usually, it only led to a fight.
    This felt different. We’d both already lost. There was no more fucking fighting.
    I clawed my way out of my head.
    Don’t do this now. You can’t keep her.
    I moved my fingertip in a circle, and her eyelids fluttered.
    See, Reggie. This. This is what you have left. Take your scraps and be thankful.
    I wasn’t going to let the last iota of pleasure I may ever have get swept away in the tide of my anxiety.
    “Never mind, it doesn’t matter anymore anyway.”
    Then, I pushed my way inside her.

 
    Nora—September 18, 2010
     
    H e filled me, and for a moment, I lost my bearings. My head gave way to the sensation, and I slowly sagged as a sigh tumbled through my lonely lips. He wasn’t rough or gentle, but still, it was all Reagan.
    Always somewhere in between.
    Somewhere shy of owning me and miles from me owning him in return. Yet, I hadn’t been expecting any of it.
    My head was a slurry of different thoughts.
    His question.
    What he’d said.
    How fucking hard he was.
    How I never forgot the way he laughs like a Clydesdale gallops. A perfect, bold cadence.
    The silly Pavlovian way I wiggle my toe when my phone rings.
    The way he made me feel, like giving me this much pleasure was all he ever wanted all along. That fact made my insides condensate, boil, and vaporize back into air.
    He growled and said through clenched teeth, “God, you fucking love this.” It was ever present, the way he read my body so well, he still didn’t need any sort of reassurance.
    He knew how wet I was.
    He felt the tightening in my belly, the tremble in my legs.
    He heard my moans.
    He thrived on them. Each cue