Free Hienama by Storm Constantine

I
possessed to calm myself about this situation. I didn’t doubt that
Gesaril had been hurt, but part of me wondered if he’d done
something to himself to make it happen. He had Ysobi concerned for
him, worried because he thought he’d caused injury. Effectively, he
now had Ysobi’s full attention and I couldn’t believe that wasn’t a
strategy.
    That night, I couldn’t sleep
properly. If I did manage to doze off, I would hear screaming and
wake up, with echoes of a cry winging round my room. I felt
feverish and was perhaps hallucinating. Was Ysobi holding Gesaril
in his arms now? I don’t know how I got through that night. I
realised that my condition must be exacerbating my feelings and
reactions, but I couldn’t dispel a terrible feeling of dread.
    Ysobi came to me early the next
morning. Nohar locks their doors in Jesith, so he came right up to
my bedroom, where I’d eventually drifted off into a troubled sleep.
He sat on the bed and shook me awake. ‘Hey,’ he said softly. ‘I’m
going to make you breakfast. Don’t get up.’
    I yawned and pulled myself into
a sitting position. ‘How is he?’ I asked coldly.
    Ysobi stroked my hair.
‘Better,’ he said. ‘He apologised, which astounded me. He really
seems abashed about what happened, as if it was his fault, which I
don’t think it was at all.’
    ‘And where is he now?’ I
snapped, unable to find the slightest shred of sympathy within
me.
    ‘He’s gone back to his
lodgings. He told me he was fine, and that I should come to you. I
explained you were with pearl.’
    My deep suspicions descended a
further few miles towards the centre of the earth.
    After that, I couldn’t bring
myself to ask Ysobi how the arunic training progressed, and he
offered no further information. I made myself pretend it wasn’t
happening, that Gesaril wasn’t using every wile he owned to
manipulate my chesnari. But Ysobi spent more and more time with
Gesaril, ostensibly because he needed support. For somehar who was
so fragile and damageable in the soume department, I thought, he
seemed to want to spend a lot of time having it stretched to
capacity. I was obsessive, and at that time forgot that caste
training includes a lot more than arunic arts. I was in such a
state I felt that Ysobi was taking aruna with Gesaril continually.
I spoke to nohar about the situation, and maintained a cheerful
front.
    Occasionally, we’d run into
Gesaril when we were socialising. He was always civil to me in
front of Ysobi, but wasn’t quite the same on the rare occasions we
met and Ysobi wasn’t there. Once, I had to walk past him on the way
back from the bathroom in the Pool, and he decided he wanted some
sport. He caught hold of my arm and said, ‘How are you,
Jassenah?’
    ‘Fine.’ I smiled politely and
made to move away from him.
    But he wouldn’t let me go. ‘It
must be really weird having a pearl inside you. I don’t think I’d
like it. It’s like a parasite sapping all your strength.’ I assumed
that was a way to tell me I wasn’t looking my best.
    ‘Actually, it feels good,’ I
said, finally shaking off his hold. ‘When you’re old enough, you
should try it.’
    He laughed. ‘I don’t think I’ll
ever be old enough. I know hara have to do it, but I wouldn’t want
to have my life taken over in that way. I like having fun too
much.’
    ‘Well, maybe you’ll feel
different when you…’ I nearly said ‘grow up’, but realised this
would sound too hostile or defensive. ‘When you meet the right
har,’ I said.
    ‘Perhaps,’ Gesaril said. At
that point, he spotted somehar more interesting than me and
wandered off. I felt shaken, as if we’d just had a big fight.
    Despite Gesaril, there were
good times during those weeks I was with pearl. Orphie gradually
responded to my coaxing, like a nervous stray fawn. He spent a lot
of time with me, helping me at the vineyard, and at the house. I
thought he must have had a very close relationship with his
hostling and