Free Surge: (#7 The Beat and The Pulse) by Amity Cross

this what you wanted? Us, together?”
    His chest rose as he took a deep breath, and he let my wrists go. “Josie… He hurt you. This is a reaction, not a solution. What happened at Ash and Ren’s weddin’…it made me realize we’d never make it long-term. We want different things. Deep down, you want another man.” He glanced over my shoulder again. “And I…”
    Knowing he had his eye on someone else, I sucked up my pride and followed his gaze. When I saw the woman at the bar trying not to glare at us, my expression crumpled. I was screwing everything up wherever I went.
    “Shit…” I hissed, beginning to feel like the biggest idiot of them all.
    “Whatever’s happened you need to work it out with him,” he said. “I’m not goin’ to be the guy you use for revenge.”
    I felt tears forming, so I lowered my head, swiping the back of my hand over my eyes. “Don’t worry about it,” I said, trying to hide my embarrassment.
    Hamish smiled kindly. “Don’t think anythin’ of it.”
    I shuffled on the spot, curling my arms around my stomach for an extra layer of protection. He had something going and I probably just shat all over it. He deserved to have something go right in his life after what I’d put him through.
    “Is she nice?” I asked, glancing up at him.
    Hamish frowned. “Is who nice?”
    “The woman at the bar you keep looking at. Does she treat you nice?”
    He shrugged, which was typical Hamish. Always shrugging things off saying they’ll be all right. “I don’t know if she feels the same…or if what I feel is anythin’ more than physical.”
    I snorted and shook my head. “She’d be a fool not to.”
    Lifting a hand, he placed it on my shoulder and squeezed. “Dean can be fuckin’ stupid, but I saw the way he looked at you at the weddin’. If you want it, you’ve gotta fight for it. Fuck knows I fought hard enough.”
    I sighed and glanced at the faces around us. Anywhere but at Hamish. I’d fought and Dean had pushed me away. I’d sat in his fucking lap, grinding against his hard-on, and he still didn’t want me. I wasn’t sure there was anything to fight for.
    I was fighter kryptonite.
    “I’m sorry for coming here and trying to drag you into my petty shit,” I said, turning back to face the consequences. “I’m sorry for what I did to you at the wedding. I should’ve—”
    But Hamish didn’t need to hear it. “Like I said…don’t think anythin’ of it.” Turning me gently toward the exit, he murmured, “C’mon. I’ll walk you to your car.”
    “I really am sorry, Hamish.”
    “I know, darlin’,” he murmured. “But it is what it is.”
    We walked through The Underground and out into the night where Hamish stood with me as I called a taxi.
    “You should go back inside and patch things up with your girl,” I said, shoving my phone back into my pocket. “I’ll be fine out here.”
    “I’ll wait,” he replied, leaning against the wall. “Or have you forgotten how fucked up this place can get?”
    I shrugged. “I guess I’m in the mood for some self-destruction.”
    He straightened up. “Don’t do that, Josie. You stayin’ with Ren?”
    I shook my head. “I haven’t told anyone I’m here. I just… I needed to get away.”
    “What did he do?”
    “I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, hanging my head. “I feel like utter crap already for coming here like this. Last person I should be talking to about Dean is the guy I dumped for him.”
    “Lori has taught me a few things about openin’ my eyes,” he said, ignoring me. “I could be mad at you, but I’m not. It was the right thing to do to go our separate ways. Sometimes, I need to keep remindin’ myself that.” He glanced at me and smiled. “Maybe you need to keep tellin’ yourself it’s okay to move on. Don’t keep beatin’ yourself up about it. I’m good.”
    Was he high or something? “I don’t deserve this. How nice you’re being to me.”
    “Hindsight is a