Free A Quiet Strength by Janette Oke Page B

left. Somewhere deep inside she still felt anger and confusion. She tried to pull away again but his arms held her. “I’m awake,” she said firmly, and this time she really was.
    He was silent for what seemed to be a long moment; then she felt more than heard his deep sigh.
    “I’m afraid I have been dreadfully selfish,” he began. “I had missed you so much when I was out west and never wanted to be without you again. But it was wrong for me to ask you to marry me before the house was ready. Before I was established on the farm. We should have waited.”
    “But you said that might take months. Years,” interjected Virginia.
    “I expect it will.”
    “We never could have—would have—waited that long.”
    His arms tightened around her, and he pressed his cheek against her forehead. It was several minutes before he spoke again. “I hadn’t realized how hard this has been for you. These months of being with Grandma.”
    “Jonathan, it is not your grandmother that’s the problem here. I … I love her. As if she were my own. It’s not seeing you . Never having you to myself. No … private times. How can a marriage grow if we aren’t allowed to … to even get to know each other?”
    Again he was silent.
    “Being with you like this is enough for me … for now,” he finally answered.
    “Well, it’s not enough for me.” She put both hands on his chest and pushed. Jonathan released her.
    She heard him sigh again as though he was deeply troubled. “What would be enough for you?” he dared to ask, his voice still gentle.
    “Being able to be like a normal husband and wife. With time. Time to talk. Time to … enjoy each other. Time to care for the needs of the other. I don’t even get to cook for you. Grandma makes your breakfast, fixes your lunch, gets supper.”
    “I didn’t know that cooking was that important to you. I’m sure Grandma—”
    “That’s not the point.”
    “But …”
    “I’m not being a wife. I’m just here … when you finally come home at night. Then you’re gone again in the morning before I’m even up.”
    “Virginia, we talked about this before we were married. You knew. I tried to tell you how it would be. I thought you understood….”
    “I thought I did, too, but I guess I didn’t. Not really. I mean, these are supposed to be the … the honeymoon days. And we’ve missed them, Jonathan. Totally missed them.”
    “Totally?”
    “Totally!”
    “You haven’t been happy?”
    “I’ve been lonely.”
    “I’m sorry.”
    Only the hall clock’s tick sounded in the quiet for a very long time.
    He had not tried to take her back in his arms. His stillness and his silence frightened her. She would have felt much better, more secure, had he chosen to argue the points she was making.
    At last he spoke, but still he did not move. “I’ve really messed it up, haven’t I?”
    It was Virginia who moved. She leaned toward him and slipped her hand up and over his shoulder, curling her fingers in the thickness of the hair at the back of his neck. “You haven’t messed it up,” she said, for the first time with contrition in her voice. “I was as anxious for our marriage as you were.”
    “So what do we do? How can we fix this?” His arm encircled her again.
    Virginia felt hot tears as they streaked down her cheeks. She had no answer.
    “We do need a house,” he continued. “We do need the horses.”
    Silently Virginia agreed.
    “I need you.”
    His arm tightened and Virginia’s tears increased.
    “I can’t promise things are going to get any better,” he admitted honestly.
    The thought was scar y, but Virginia knew she had to accept it.
    “Can you … can you manage … somehow … for a few more months?”
    “I’ll have to.” Virginia’s voice trembled.
    “Would you be happier … back home?”
    The very thought made Virginia cringe. To go home would be to admit defeat. It would be saying to the world that they had made a mistake. That they weren’t