Free Kamchatka by Marcelo Figueras Page A

riding with the four horsemen of the Apocalypse.)
    I was beaten. I pushed away the plate with the apple on it and folded my arms angrily. The only reason I didn’t get up and storm out was because there was nowhere to go.
    â€˜From now on, our name is Vicente,’ said papá, still hopeful.
    I didn’t react. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to know.
    â€˜My name is David Vicente and I’m an architect,’ said papá.
    Vicente was a horrible name, but as a surname it was even worse.
    â€˜David Vicente!’ papá repeated, shaking my shoulder.
    Then the penny dropped. David Vicente, the architect. Papá was David Vincent!
    I burst out laughing. The Midget looked at me like I was crazy and mamá looked at papá in search of an explanation.
    â€˜Don’t you get it?’ I said to the Midget, still laughing. ‘David Vicente is like the Spanish version of David Vincent. Papá is the guy in
The Invaders
!’
    â€˜Aaaaah,’ said the Midget, clapping his hands.
    Mamá glared at papá, not knowing whether to kill him or hug him.
    â€˜If anyone asks, we are the Vicentes,’ said papá, pleased with himself. ‘If the phone rings and someone asks for the people we used to be, just tell them no one by that name lives here, tell them we’re …
    â€˜You won’t need to tell them anything at all because you won’t be answering the phone,’ mamá interrupted. ‘How many times do I have to say it?’
    â€˜Sorry. I meant if I answer the phone, I’ll just say, sorry, wrong number. Is that clear?’

    Me and the Midget nodded.
    I asked papá if we would be getting false papers to match our false identities. I expected him to dismiss the idea out of hand but he looked to mamá for approval and then said yes, it was possible that we would all need new papers.
    I asked if I could pick my own name.
    The Midget asked if he could pick his name.
    â€˜It depends,’ said mama. ‘It has to be an ordinary name, you can’t call yourself Fofó or Goofy or Scrooge McDuck.’
    â€˜Simón!’ yelled the Midget. Like I said before, he was a big fan of
The Saint
. ‘Like Simon Templar!’
    Mamá and papá happily agreed, Simón Vicente sounded normal enough.
    â€˜I could call myself Flavia,’ said mamá.
    â€˜Flavia Vicente. OK, but only if you tell me where you came up with the name,’ said papá.
    â€˜Over my dead body.’
    â€˜In that case, I’ll just call you Dora, or maybe Matilde, like your mother.’
    â€˜Just try it,’ said mamá, ‘and you can kiss your conjugal rights goodbye.’
    â€˜Flavia Vicente,’ papá said quickly. ‘Going once, going twice, sold to the lady …’
    â€˜What’s conjugal rights?’ asked the Midget.
    â€˜There’s still someone here who hasn’t got a name,’ said mamá, changing the subject.
    But I already had a name. It was clear as day. All the signs pointed to it and I congratulated myself on being able to read them.
    My name would be Harry. Yes, Harry. Pleased to meet you.

26
STRATEGY AND TACTICS
    Herodotus recounts that during the reign of Atys, the son of Manes, the kingdom of Lydia suffered a terrible famine. The Lydians endured these privations for a time and then realized that they needed to find something to distract them from their suffering. This is how games were invented, the sort of games that are played with dice, jacks and balls. Herodotus credits the Lydians with inventing all games apart from backgammon, which is the name English pirates gave to the Arab
tawla
, still played by old men throughout the Middle East, sitting at low tables in the streets, drinking sweet mint tea.
    I always loved that story. Herodotus doesn’t tell it as though it were actually true, simply as something the Lydians said about themselves, but he nevertheless recounts it with eloquence and