Free Life on Mars by Jennifer Brown

dramatically and stomping out of the kitchen. “Seriously, you can’t even have one friend, Armpit?”
    I followed behind her. “I have two friends. They’re gone. It’s summer, Vega. People go places.”
    She went into her room and began cramming things into a backpack, leaving the Bacteria to shuffle over to the pantry and scrounge for something to snack on while he waited. I stood in her doorway.
    â€œSo, what am I supposed to do?” she asked. “I am not taking you to Anastasia’s. There’s a limit to what a sister should have to do, and hanging out with her armpit of a brother at her friend’s house is definitely past that limit.”
    â€œI’ll just stay home,” I offered.
    She slammed a dresser drawer and laughed. “Yeah, right. Mom would kill me if I left you here alone. You’d probably fall off the roof and get eaten by Comet.”
    Nah
, I thought.
Comet would never eat me
.
    Of course, I never thought he would have eaten my shoe, either.
    She went into her bathroom, where I heard more drawers opening and closing. Soon she came out, zipping her bulging backpack as she walked past me and down the stairs.
    â€œYou’re just going to have to go … somewhere,” she said. “Come on, Mitchell.”
    â€œWhere?” I asked, but she and the Bacteria had already plowed out of the house. For a few minutes I just stood at the bottom of the steps. I would just stay home. I could handle it.
    Cassi was gone, so she’d never know. Vega had bolted, so she’d never know. I wouldn’t answer the phone if Mom or Dad called. I’d have the whole house—and CICM-HQ—to myself.
    I liked it. No. I
loved
it.
    I walked over to the table and crinkled up the potato chip bag, tossed it in the trash, and closed the pantry door. See how responsible I was acting already? This would be no problem!
    Just then the front door swished open and Vega stuck her head in. “Let’s go, Arty! I don’t have all day to wait around for you!”
    Darn. She noticed.
    â€œI don’t have anywhere to go, remember?” I said.
    â€œYes, you do. You’re going next door.”
    I slumped. “To the Moneckis? Mr. Monecki always makes me clean out his lawnmower.” He also once had me sweep out his garage and is always saying, “
Here, son, you wanna make a nickel? I gotta job for youse
.” There were so many things wrong with that sentence I never knew where to begin and always ended up doing some huge chore for him.
    This was going to be a horrible couple of days.
    I trudged upstairs and got out my STUDYING STARS MAKES ME BRIGHTER overnight bag from space camp. (That acronym would be SSMMB, which doesn’t spell anything, either, so apparently it’s not easy, even for adults, to come up with stuff that looks good on shirts.)
    â€œNope,” Vega said, following me. “The Moneckis aren’t home. You’re going to the other guy.”
    I froze in place. The other guy? She couldn’t possibly mean …
    â€œNo way. I can’t stay with that guy.”
    She turned her palms up, exasperated. “There’s no choice! What am I supposed to do? Leave you here alone?”
    â€œYes.”
    â€œI can’t do that. Mom would kill me.”
    â€œShe might kill you if you just … abandon me with him.”
Especially if he eats my face
.
    â€œIt’s not my fault you don’t have any friends,” Vega said. “Mom told us we could go to him if we had an emergency. It’ll be fine. Let’s go.”
    I crept to my window and peered out.
    There was Mr. Death, peering back at me through his window, the curtains parted just enough to show his two horrid, creepy eyes. We made contact, and the curtains snapped shut.
    My heart beat wildly in my chest, and I swallowed a thousand times, trying to get my breath.
    Check that. This wasn’t going to be a horrible couple of