Free Zen and Xander Undone by Amy Kathleen Ryan Page B

tells Nancy, using his most reasonable tone. “And she left him a very expensive item.”
    â€œThe birds.” Nancy lifts her eyes to his face. Her lips are trembling. She doesn’t want to talk about this.
    â€œYes,” I say. “How did you know?”
    â€œBecause I’m the one who took them to the lawyer.” To Xander she says, “She didn’t tell me anything about him. She just told me not to ask questions, and to deliver the statue with a letter.”
    Her tearful eyes pass over me and Xander. She isn’t mad anymore. She’s looking at us with real love. “Girls, your mother was an honorable woman.”
    â€œI know,” Xander whispers.
    I can’t say anything, so I nod. I’m so furious with Xander for digging all this up, I could sever her carotid with a single strike. I really could.

Dojo
    I LOVE THE SMELL of sweaty mats. And musty floorboards. And is that a touch of rancid turtle effluence?
    According to my doctor, I can resume normal activity. I wasn’t sure he remembered specifically that I’m a shotokan instructor, but I didn’t remind him. Being away from the dojo has me off kilter, and I’ve been crazy staying at home all day long with Xander obsessing about Mom’s supposedly illicit affair.
    Mark is in the office, tapping on the adding machine. He’s sitting with his back to me, his legs spread wide, so he looks like a Kabuki dancer. I try to sneak up behind him, but before I’m even halfway to the office he says without turning around, “Zen! Good to have you back!”
    â€œIt’s good to be back!” I say, and drop to the floor to do my stretches.
    Mark carefully folds up a bunch of receipts and stuffs them into an envelope. “We’re well into the black this month!”
    â€œGreat!”
    He sits down across from me and starts doing stretches. His dark eyes trail my limbs appraisingly. “Still stiff?”
    â€œYeah.” I push myself a little further, working against my sprain. I feel something give and I can stretch fully, but not without pain. I try to wipe my face clean, but Mark sees my grimace.
    â€œAre you sure you’re ready for this, Zen?”
    â€œOh yeah.”
    He stops stretching and watches me quietly. I get more and more nervous under his gaze until he finally speaks. “Okay, but you’re here to correct form today. You’re not doing any moves.”
    â€œI can’t teach without doing moves.”
    â€œYou can’t do shotokan with a ruined back,” he says sternly. He starts stretching again, but his face remains serious. “The most important thing you can do is take care of your body, Zen. That’s in shotokan and in life.”
    â€œI know that.”
    â€œYou’re still in pain.”
    His gaze is so steady, I’m not sure if he’s still talking about my back or if now we’re talking about Mom. Suddenly I feel weepy, and I duck my head so that my hair falls in front of my face like a blond curtain. I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up to see Mark blinking away tears. “It’s been a rough year.”
    I nod. For a second, I’m tempted to tell him about John Phillips, because Xander’s obsession has started to rub off on me, but I can’t talk about it. It’s too raw. And I don’t want it to be real, even if I can’t stop thinking about it.
    â€œYou’ve been very brave, Zen.”
    I push away my sadness, search for a topic other than Mom. I still haven’t told Mark about that guy I kicked, and it really is something I should discuss with my sensei, anyway. “Mark, I had a confrontation, and I used shotokan.”
    He leans away from me, waiting for me to say more.
    â€œA guy was messing with Xander, and I kicked him.”
    â€œMessing how?”
    I tell him the whole story, leaving nothing out. There aren’t many people in my life I can talk to like this, but