Free Zen and Xander Undone by Amy Kathleen Ryan

sumac tree. She tells him the whole story about how we stole the documents from Mr. Blackstone, and the missing statue. “Who do women give six-thousand-dollar statues to when they die? Statues of
lovebirds?
” Xander raises her dark blond eyebrows at him and waits for his explanation.
    He thinks about it, his fingers thrumming on his bony knee.
    I get impatient with them both and carefully lower myself onto the ground near them. It feels wonderful to be lying down. I look up at the sky, which is speckled with tiny clouds, and I realize that it’s been a very long time since I went cloud watching. That’s something I did with Mom when I was very small, only I didn’t know that I was supposed to be looking for shapes in the clouds. I just lay there, making up random stuff, like closets stuffed full of candy, or pirates with black eye patches. When Mom finally figured that out, that the stuff I was saying had nothing to do with watching clouds, she took me in her arms, laughing, peppering my face with kisses.
    â€œI see why you think she might have been involved with the guy,” he finally says, “but how do you know she didn’t know him before she got married?”
    â€œThat’s a good point,” I say. “She’s had that statue since before I can remember, Xander.”
    â€œWhen was the statue made?” Adam says.
    Xander has to think about it for a minute. She closes her eyes, probably visualizing the website she’d looked at, reading it all over again. Sometimes I’m so envious of her mind that I could cry. “The website said nineteen ninety-five. Yeah. That’s right. Because I remember thinking it was the same year Eric Cornell and Carl Wieman produced the first Bose-Einstein condensate.”
    Adam looks at me to see if I understand what she’s just said. I shake my head.
    â€œIt’s a model that displays quantum mechanics on a macro scale, you doofuses,” she says, lisping like a nerd so we understand she’s really making fun of herself.
    â€œAnd when did your mom marry your dad?”
    Xander probes her memory, but I’m the one who can answer this time, though I don’t really want to say it. “Nineteen ninety.”
    â€œSo John Phillips gave Mom the statue
after
she was married,” Xander says smugly.
    â€œAfter we were born,” I add softly. This question had teased at the back of my mind ever since we found out about Phillips. Now it’s certain. If Mom had an affair, she wasn’t just cheating on Dad. She was cheating on us.
    We’re all quiet for a few minutes.
    â€œDo you see?” Xander raises her eyebrows at Adam triumphantly.
    â€œI see,” Adam says impatiently, “but what I don’t get, Xander, is why you’re acting like you
want
it to be true.”
    I give Xander an accusing look.
    She blusters at us. “Of—of course I don’t want that!”
    â€œOh, yes you do,” I tell her. “And I know why. Because if Mom slept around you don’t have to feel so bad about doing it too. But you’re going to be disappointed. Because she didn’t. She wouldn’t do that to us.”
    Xander blanches. “I don’t sleep with
that
many guys.”
    â€œOkay. So you don’t
sleep
with the guys,” Adam says, but bites his lip immediately, seeming to regret letting the words out.
    Xander pulls into herself, and I feel bad. “Xander, I think we should drop this right now,” I say to her, but gently, so she’ll know I’m sorry about what I said.
    She looks at me with narrowed eyes. She doesn’t forgive so easily.
    â€œActually, Zen, I’m inclined to agree with Xander,” Adam says in his most reasonable-sounding adult tone. Lately he’s been getting on his high horse with us. It has always been annoying to Xander, and now I find it totally enraging. “Now that you know about this Phillips guy, I don’t