Free The First Lady by Carl Weber

that.”
    “I’m sorry, Momma. I’m just having a hard time understanding why you stood up the bishop.”
    “Little girl, did you ever think that if me and your father got married I’d have to be the first lady of First Jamaica Ministries? Do you know how much responsibility that is? Your father’s a very important man, Tanisha, and I do love him, but the only thing I could do is hold him back. Besides, he was just being polite when he told me he’d go out with me.”
    “No, he wasn’t. When Dante talked to him, he said he was really looking forward to seeing you. And as far as that first lady stuff, the bishop doesn’t care about that.”
    “I thought I told you not to tell your husband about this,” I said, hoping to steer the conversation in a different direction.
    “I didn’t, but the bishop and Dante were talking and he brought it up. From what Dante said, he was very excited. And so was my husband.”
    “Oh really?” I was surprised to hear this, because Tanisha had said before that she didn’t think Dante was ready for his father to move on. But even if I had Dante’s blessing, it still didn’t change a damn thing. Sister Lisa Mae was still the one in the front seat of his Cadillac tonight, not me. And hell, she probably belonged there a lot more than I did.
    “You should call him and apologize, Momma. Maybe you two could go out tomorrow.”
    “I don’t think so, Tanisha. Thomas Kelly and I are in the past. He needs a sophisticated woman, somebody who knows the politics of both the church and New York City. I’m sorry, but I’m not that woman.”
    Her tone softened as she said, “Momma, why are you always putting yourself down? You can be anything you want to be.”
    “A woman’s gotta know her limitations, Tanisha. I know mine. I’m not cut out to be a preacher’s wife.”
    “That’s not true. I used to be a stripper, but now I’m married to a lawyer and going to school to be a nurse. If you really wanna be with Daddy, then you can do it. Nobody loves him like you do, Momma.” Her optimism was starting to piss me off. Why couldn’t she just let this go?
    “I keep tellin’ you that sometimes love isn’t enough. Now, I’m not cut out to be no first lady. Them women in that church ain’t making a fool outta me, and neither are you.” I made no attempt to hide the anger in my voice, thinking that would put her in her place. But I was wrong. She came right back at me with her own anger and judgment.
    “Always full of excuses, aren’t you, Momma? You’re never gonna get rid of that ghetto mentality, are you?”
    “What’s that supposed to mean?”
    “It means I’m really disappointed in you, ‘cause you’re never gonna leave Forty Projects,” Tanisha said just before hanging up.
    “Fuck you, Tanisha!” I yelled into the receiver, then slammed it down. My purse fell out of my hands and tumbled to the floor. I was hot! That girl knew how to push my buttons like nobody else. As if it wasn’t bad enough that those damn churchwomen made me feel less than little Miss Lisa Mae, now my own damn daughter felt she had the right to judge me.
    I reached down to pick up my purse and the contents that had spilled onto the floor. I stared at the small plastic bags that I was supposed to have already flushed down the toilet. In my anger, it took only a few seconds for me to say, “Fuck it,” pick them up, and head for the kitchen.
    I quickly found aluminum foil to make a stem, and in no time I was sitting on my couch, staring at a picture of Tanisha, about to get high. “You know what, Tanisha?” I said to the picture just as I was about to inhale. “This is all your fault.”

7
B ISHOP
    I was talking to James in the hallway of the church’s administrative wing when Monique came walking down the corridor. She was wearing a tight red dress that left very little to the imagination. When James spotted her, his entire body tightened up, and his facial expression was one of disgust. He