Free Coco Pinchard's Big Fat Tipsy Wedding: A Funny Feel-Good Romantic Comedy by Robert Bryndza Page B

him. Rocco barked, bringing me out of my thoughts and reminding me we had more to do. We got to the vet around four and she didn't stop laughing for a full five minutes. All I needed was a photo of Rocco - any photo, it didn't need to be an official passport photo from a photo booth.
    We got it on the spot, filled in a stamped, I felt so proud of him with his own passport.
    When we got home in the dark, it was snowing again, harder, and the temperature was dropping. I'm so excited about going now, I just hope the weather doesn't spoil it for us. The motorways above London are closed; so far, the South looks okay. There was a strange slurring message from Meryl on my answer phone, something about a fifty pence coin talking to her. I called back but the phone rang out.
    I'm pleased to hear that you’re having fun at the Ice Hotel in Lapland and that there is plenty of Schnapps. Have you met anyone noteworthy to share your thermal sleeping bag with?

    Wednesday 22nd December   06.11
    TO: [email protected]

    Tony just rang to say that Meryl had to be sectioned in the early hours of this morning! He found her outside at 3am disinfecting the driveway in her dressing gown. When he asked her to come back inside, she tried to suffocate him by stuffing a dishcloth down his throat screaming,  
    ‘The Queen is coming for Christmas!’  
    She hasn't slept in four days trying to get everything prepared for the Sandringham Christmas, and the lack of sleep made her hallucinate. She flushed all the money from her purse down the toilet because she thought the Queen’s head was talking, criticising her skills as a hostess. She’s been sedated in the Psychiatric Unit at Milton Keynes General Hospital and kept under observation. Tony said that his sister and Daniel had already arrived and they are helping with Wilfred. Meryl can't have any visitors for a few days. I asked if there was anything I could do. Tony cleared his throat and then said tentatively,
    ‘Well… Yes there is something you could do Coco.’
    ‘What is it, anything?’ I said.
    ‘If you could give Ethel her Christmas lunch I'd be most grateful. What with everything that’s happened and the M25 being closed southbound with the snow, I don't think I can get to her.’
    There was a crashing silence. Alarms were going off in my brain.
    ‘Oh… um…’ I said. Then Daniel came on the line,
    ‘Hi Cokes, I know we haven’t spoken in a while, but, please,' he begged. 'I know mum drives you crazy but this is a unique situation.'
    'I know it is,’ I said.
    'All the residents in her sheltered housing have gone to their families for Christmas. There won't be a Warden on duty. I don't like the idea of her all alone; it’s a very rough area. What if looters break in looking for presents?'  
    ‘I’m supposed to be…’
    ‘Supposed to be what?’
    ’Nothing,’ I said with a heavy heart. ‘Tell Ethel she can come here.’
    ‘Thank you. Thank you. I owe you big time. Merry Christmas Cokes,’ he said.
    'Yeah. Merry Christmas,' I said and put the phone down.  
    Shit.

    Wednesday 22nd December   08.44
    TO: [email protected]

    I thought about palming Ethel off on Rosencrantz, but he is working, and on Christmas Day has been invited to Oscar’s house in The Cotswolds. He sounded excited, so I didn’t mention the Ethel situation.
    I took a deep breath and phoned Marika.
    ‘Why don’t you bring Ethel with us?’ she said without missing a beat.
    ‘I wasn’t expecting you to say that!’  
    ‘It’s no problem. I’ll call my mum to make up the camp bed.'
    'Hang on Marika,’ I said. ‘Think carefully about what you’re suggesting. Dragging that old bag of bones across Europe for your family Christmas.’  
    There was a silence.
    'I think it could be good,' she said.
    'How? This is Ethel.'
    'She could be a much-needed distraction.’
    'From what? Fun?'  
    ‘No, a much-needed distraction for my Mother, she'll go into entertaining overdrive