Free Lord Haversham Takes Command by Heidi Ashworth

to love. He was knowledgeable but not in the least wise. He was somewhat handsome but not attractive, at least not in her eyes. He was rich, but Mira never cared much for the things money could buy, aside from beautiful clothes. Though it made her feel slightly ashamed of herself to think such a thing, Mira had to admit the problem was not in her ability to love but in his very nature.
    “Mama,” Mira asked as she took her mother’s hand and rose to look her in the eyes. “Do you think you could have been as happy as you are now if you had married someone else?”
    “Well,” her mother said with a little laugh, “it wasn’t as if I had any other offers. Not legitimate ones, anyway. I suppose if I had waited long enough, someone might have come along and taken pity on me.”
    “Oh, Mama, never say so! I am persuaded there were scores of gentleman who would have given money to marry you!”
    With a wry smile, Lady Crenshaw shook her head and drew Mira down to sit on the bed beside her. “As to the question at hand, no, I do not think I would have been as happy as I am with your father and not only because I love him so much, as he does me. It has as much to do with the fact that loving him made me a better person, a person I could more easily live with as much as he. If I had married someone else — or not at all — I rather doubt I would have had enough reason to grow and change in the ways I have. So, really, it is about more than simply being with the person you love best. It is about becoming the person you can best live with as well.”
    “Oh, Mama,” Mira said around the lump that had formed in her throat. “How could I even think of marrying and leaving you and Papa? It is so very difficult to believe that I could love someone enough to leave you or to change for him. Shouldn’t I want my husband to love me for myself, just the way I am?”
    “But of course!” Lady Crenshaw said, gathering her daughter in her arms and giving her a squeeze. “And any man would! Why, you are beautiful, accomplished, and intelligent. What more could a man want? The question is do
you
want more?”
    With that, Lady Crenshaw stood and left her daughter to her thoughts, and troublesome thoughts they were. Was she only so against marriage to George because she would have to change in order to be happy with him? Could Mama be right in that she knew better who was best for her daughter? Or did she yearn for Harry because she knew, deep down inside, he would inspire her to become a better person if only he could somehow love her?
    There was one way to learn the truth. Surely this willingness to grow and change for the one you loved worked both ways. She would simply go to Harry’s room, knock on his door, and ask him why he was found asleep in the passage outside her bedchamber. If he answered her question with the honest truth, she would take it as a sign that he cared for her enough to forever change from the deplorable Bertie to the Harry she knew lurked inside.
    She slipped into her shoes, hastened down the passageway to the room he had indicated belonged to him, and knocked boldly on the door. She could hardly swallow her disappointment when the man who answered the door wasn’t Harry at all, but the vacuous and intolerable Bertie, a fatuous smile fixed to his face and a quantity of lace at his chin and wrists. He stood, frozen with shock or some other nameless emotion, one hand on his hip and a foot turned out as if he were about to produce a pirouette. It was a stance she had always felt looked odd enough in dancing slippers but was utterly laughable in riding boots. However, she refused to give up so readily.
    Taking a deep breath, she rallied enough to ask what she had come to learn. “Lord Haversham, I find I cannot rest until I learn the answer to this question. Why did you sleep outside my door last night?” There, it was out and he must answer, one way or another. She prayed she would be able to hear his response