Free Dear Tabitha by Trudy Stiles

stunning. I didn’t know that you had given birth. Michelle called me to tell me that there were papers that I needed to sign, and when I met her at the hospital, she asked me if I wanted to see Emily. I’m sure you can imagine my shock. She explained to me that you went into labor on Halloween. Holy shit, Tabby! You broke up with me on Halloween. I would have been there for you, to help you. You need to know that. Regardless. Even if we never spent another moment together, I would have held your hand and helped you through Emily’s birth. I would have whispered in your ear how much I admired you. You’re strong, Tabby. You just need to start believing it.
Anyway, we went to the nursery and I fell in love. She is just the most precious baby and I saw you in her. Her mouth is yours and her little nose is yours. Michelle let me hold her, and for one second, I almost changed my mind. It was a fleeting moment, but holding Emily and seeing your features in her made me suddenly want our family. Someday. Maybe. Whatever.
Maybe I’m rambling, but I have so much that I want to say to you. I know you won’t see me and that’s okay. You know where to find me, and I’m leaving that ball in your court. You need to heal and find yourself, and I don’t want to get in the way of that.
You did a good thing, Tabby, for wonderful people who deserve a chance of a happily ever after. I know that Emily will bring that to them. And I know that they will give Emily a wonderful life.
My only wish is that you are able to believe in your own strength and find your happily ever after. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, Tabby.
I love you always.
Yours,
Seth
 
    I clutch my chest to stifle a sob. Oh my god, he believes in me. He loves me still. Even after everything I did to him.
    I don’t deserve him and I never will. He’s better off without me.
     
    The memory of this moment brings tears to my eyes. I clean the shot glasses and place them back in the cabinet. I can’t bear to part with these mementos from my sightseeing dates with Seth. But, looking back at the ‘old’ me, I could not subject myself to that life again. What I put him through. What I put myself through. I’m stronger than that now. As much as I cared about Seth, I just couldn’t fully love him the way that he loved me. Had I been strong, I would have had the courage to tell him what I felt rather than break his heart over and over again.
    I will never be weak again.
    I’m feeling woozy and realize that I need to get to sleep. I glance at the clock and see that it’s after midnight.
    I pass through the living room and see the crumpled letter on the floor. Fuck! Marta. I should have just thrown it out the other day. I bend down to pick it up, and as I un-crumple it, a soft knock sounds on my door.
    “Tabs? Are you awake?” Alex slurs.
    Shit. Why is he here?
    I consider ignoring him, but I just can’t. I walk over to the door and open it.
    “Hey, Tabs.” Alex smiles drunkenly. His eyes are glazed over, and he looks so sexy standing in my doorway. “I needed to make sure you got home safe.”
    Seeing him again makes my heart flutter and my cheeks tingle. It could be the buzz, but he always did have that effect on me.
    “Clearly I made it home okay. You’re looking at me right now.” I don’t know why I’m snipping at him. There go my defenses again.
    “Can I use your bathroom?” he asks, the smile never leaving his face.
    “Um, sure.” I move aside so he can walk into my apartment. “You know where it is, right?” Of course he does, because I locked myself in there the other day to get away from him.
    I realize that I’m still clutching Marta’s letter in my hand. When the bathroom door opens, I chuck it toward the dining area. I don’t know why, but it just seemed like a natural response. I’ll get it when he leaves.
    Alex returns to the living room with a strange look on his face.
    “So you left me tonight.” He raises his finger to point at