Free Ice in the Bedroom by P. G. Wodehouse

of business. These optimistic reflections did not occur to Soapy, who remained downcast and moody throughout, but Dolly had scarcely taken two bites out of her peche Melba when she uttered a glad cry.
    ‘Soapy, I’ve got it!'
    Mr. Molloy, who was toying with a strawberry ice, jerked a spoonful into space. It fell to earth, he knew not where. 'Got what, baby? Not an idea?'
    'Yay, and a darned good one.'
    The gloom which had been enveloping Soapy lightened a little. He had a solid respect for his wife's ingenuity.
    'Look, honey, you told me there was no help at Castlewood. Well, look, this Yorke dame and the secretary have got to go out some time, haven't they? To do the shopping and all that.'
    ‘I guess so.'
    'So the place'll be empty. Well, what's to stop me going down there and hanging around till the coast's clear and slipping in? The Widgeon guy goes off to his office in the morning, so I can wait in the front garden of Peacehaven till I see them leave.'
    'Suppose they don't leave?'
    'For heaven's sake, they've got to do it some time or other. As a matter of fact, I think the balloon'll go up tomorrow, because I read a thing in the paper about how Leila Yorke was due to speak at some luncheon or other, and I guess she'll take the secretary with her. Even if she doesn't, the secretary's sure to play hooky when she's not around. Ask me, the thing'll be handed to us on a plate. I'll go there tomorrow right after breakfast. Unless you'd rather?'
    Mr. Molloy, shuddering strongly, said he would not rather.
    'All right, then, me. I don't see how it can fail. The back door won't be locked. I can just slip in. Any questions?'
    'Not a one. Baby,' said Mr. Molloy devoutly, 'I've said it before and I'll say it again, There's no one like you.'
     
     
     

10
     
    The function at which Leila Yorke had committed herself to speak was the bi-monthly lunch of the women's branch of the Pen and Ink Club, and she had completely forgotten the engagement till Sally reminded her of it. On learning that the curse had come upon her, she uttered one of those crisp expletives which were too sadly often on her lips and said that that was what you got for letting your guard down for a single moment with these darned organising secretaries. Iron unremitting firmness was what you needed if you were not to be a puppet in their hands.
    'They're cunning. That's the trouble. They write to you in December asking you to do your stuff in the following June, and you, knowing that June will never arrive, say you will, and blister my internal organs if June doesn't come around after all.'
    'Suddenly it's Spring.'
    'Exactly. And you wake up one fine morning and realize you're for it. You ever been to one of these fêtes that are worse than death, Sally?'
    'No, I'm not a member of the Pen and Ink. Mine has been a very sheltered life.'
    'Avoid them,' Leila Yorke advised, 'especially the all-women ones. Yes, I know you're going to argue that it's better to be confronted with a gaggle of female writers in ghastly hats and pince-nez than a roomful of male writers with horn-rimmed glasses and sideburns, but I disagree with you. The female of the species is far deadlier than the male. What am I to say to these gargoyles?'
    ' "Good afternoon, gargoyles"?'
    'And then sit down? Not a bad idea. I don't think it's ever been done. Well, go and get the car out. I've some shopping to do, so we'll make an early start.'
    'We?'
    'Oh, I'm not going to drag you into the lunch. One has one's human feelings. I want you to go and see Saxby and tell him of the changes of plans about the new book. As my literary agent, I suppose he's entitled to be let in on the thing. Break it to him gently. Better take a flask of brandy with you in case he swoons.'
    'He'll be upset, all right.'
    'And so will my poor perishing publishers. I've a contract for six books with them, and if I have my strength, those books are going to get starker and starker right along, and the starker they become, the