Free The Cradle in the Grave by Sophie Hannah

know she abandoned her daughter when the poor mite was only days old? Stayed away for the best part of two weeks. What kind of mother does that? I can believe Helen Yardley was innocent all along, but not her.’ I waited for her companion to disagree, but she said, ‘It would have been better for the baby if she’d stayed away for good.’ I remember thinking it was an odd way to put it: Helen Yardley was innocent all along . As if one could start out guilty and then become innocent of a crime.
    â€˜I rang to tell you what I’m sure Laurie neglected to mention: that I want nothing to do with the documentary. Evidently you feel the same way.’ She sounds nothing like my idea of what a drug addict ought to sound like.
    â€˜You want nothing to do with it,’ I repeat blankly.
    â€˜I’ve made it clear to Laurie from the start that he’ll have to do without me, so I don’t know why he keeps copying me in on information I don’t need. Maybe he hopes I’ll change my mind, but I won’t.’ She sounds calm, as if none of what she’s saying matters to her; she’s merely informing me of the facts.
    â€˜I’m in a similar situation,’ I tell her, too angry about the way I’ve been treated to be tactful. How dare Laurie inflict her on me without giving me any choice in the matter? Tamsin’s jiggling in her seat, desperate to know what’s going on. ‘Laurie can’t take no for an answer,’ I say. ‘That’s when he bothers to ask the question. This time he didn’t. I had no idea he was sending out my details to everyone. I don’t know why he assumed I’d take on the film without asking me if I wanted to.’
    Tamsin rolls her eyes and shakes her head. ‘What?’ I mouth at her. I refuse to feel bad about any of this; it’s Laurie’s fault, not mine.
    â€˜Why don’t you want to?’ Rachel Hines asks, as if it’s the most natural question in the world.
    I imagine myself giving her an honest answer. How would I feel afterwards? Relieved to have it out in the open? It’s irrelevant, since I’ll never have the guts to put it to the test. ‘I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t have to explain myself to you.’
    â€˜No. No, you don’t,’ she says slowly. ‘This is going to sound pushy, but . . . could we meet?’
    Meet. Me and Rachel Hines.
    She can’t possibly know. Unless . . . No, there’s no way.
    â€˜Pardon?’ I say, playing for time. I grab the pen from Tamsin’s hand and write, ‘She wants to meet me’. Tamsin nods furiously.
    â€˜Where are you? I could come to you.’
    I look at my watch. ‘It’s ten o’clock.’
    â€˜So? Neither of us is asleep. I’m in Twickenham. How about you?’
    â€˜Kilburn,’ I say automatically, then mentally kick myself. There’s no way I’m having Rachel Hines in my home. ‘Actually, I’m . . . I’m out at the moment, in the Grand Old Duke of York pub in . . .’
    â€˜I don’t go to pubs. Give me your address and I’ll be there in an hour to an hour and a half, depending on traffic.’
    Pros and cons race through my brain. I don’t want her in my flat. I don’t want anything to do with her apart from to know what she wants from me.
    â€˜You’re worried about having someone who was once a convicted child murderer in your house,’ she says. ‘I understand. All right, I’m sorry I bothered you.’
    â€˜Why do you want to meet me?’
    â€˜I’ll answer that question, and any others you might have, face to face. Does that sound fair?’
    I hear myself say, ‘Okay.’ Unable to believe what’s happening, I recite my address.
    â€˜It’ll be just the two of us, won’t it? No Laurie?’
    â€˜No Laurie,’ I agree.
    â€˜I’ll see you in an hour,’ says Rachel