Free Saint of Sinners by Devin Harnois

the distance I heard the roar of surf. “Have you done any shapeshifting?” he asked.
    I shook my head, still swallowing the last of my Pop-Tart.
    “Then how do you know you can?”
    I explained about Baldur’s gift. “Even without that, considering who my dad is, it’s not a stretch to think I can shapeshift too. I know it’s possible, I just don’t know how to do it.”
    “Back when the world was young, it was easy to change shape. Everyone could do it. But the world changed and now all but a few humans are stuck in one shape. Even many gods have a hard time shapeshifting. But you have the ability—I can see it.”
    “If you know I can, why did you ask me?”
    “So much hinges on belief. You need to believe you can in order to do it.”
    “Huh, really? Most of my powers happened for the first time by accident. I didn’t believe in it because I didn’t know I could. It just happened.” Like how I’d made it snow in the dining room.
    “Some things are trickier than others.” He tilted his head, birdlike.
    “Okay, so if I believe I can do it, then I’ll shapeshift?”
    “Hm, not quite that easy.” He tilted his head back and forth a few times, looking at me. “Let’s give it a try.”
    I got down on my hands and knees and rolled my eyes at the amused smirk on his face. “I’m trying for a cat first.” I tried for half an hour and nothing happened. It was just like the day before, except more annoying and embarrassing with Raven there. He kept giving me suggestions just like the crows had done when I was learning to fly.
    “Maybe I could concentrate better if you shut up,” I told him.
    He chuckled. “So impatient. Is that what you feel when you’re trying? Impatience?”
    “Yeah. This shouldn’t be so hard.”
    He crouched down in front of me so we were almost at eye level. “What do you see? What are you thinking of when you try to change?” He tapped a finger against my forehead.
    “I think about the times I wished I could change and didn’t know I could. I pull on the desperation and try to make it fuel my power, the way anger fuels my fire.”
    “Desperation and frustration.” He shook his head. “What have I been telling you?”
    “That I have to relax, believe I can do it, and feel what I want to become in my bones.”
    “You don’t listen , little demon.” He tapped my head again and I bristled.
    “Don’t call me that.” My skin warmed a little, chasing away the morning chill.
    “What does a cat think when he’s being a cat?”
    “What?” I blinked at the topic change.
    “If you want to be a cat, it helps to think like a cat. You’re still thinking like you. So, what does a cat think?”
    I assumed he meant a normal cat and not Mew-Mew. “I don’t know. I guess they think about what the best places to sleep are, and hunting mice, and how much they should clean their fur, and how good tuna is.”
    “Keep going.”
    “Curling up in a patch of sunlight, and all the things they get to smell when they’re let outside, and if their owner will give them milk tonight, and how good it feels to sharpen their claws on the leather couch, and if they’ll be able to catch the bird before it takes off.” I was still looking at Raven, but I wasn’t seeing him.
    “The way the grass feels under my paws, the perfect way to turn my ears to catch the sound of the ocean, where that interesting smell is coming from, how good it feels to stretch every limb one by one, including my tail.” Power moved through me like warm liquid. I looked at my hands, and they’d turned into paws, covered in black fur like extra-large versions of Mew-Mew’s paws.
    “Whoa.” I picked up my right paw, but the transformation slid away and it was just my hand again. “What the fuck? What happened?” I looked up at Raven.
    “You lost hold of it, but that was a good start.”
    I took a deep breath and tried not to be disappointed. “I guess so.” Better than nothing.

Chapter 10
    Hayley and I