Free Lost In Our Darkness (Demons Of Darkness Book 2) by Elizabeth Hayes Page B

fault. But in the end it was Nix that saved me. And then when I found out I was pregnant again I left to save my baby. I lost a baby because of this club and I wasn’t going to lose another one. I knew if I left I could lose Nix and I was willing to take that chance because I wanted this baby to live. I was dumb to think that I could run and be okay. That I would be able to protect him. To protect Nix if I left. Zaiden will always have a target on his back. A target that not only Nix has put on him but myself as well. I know that now.”
    “When did you lose the baby?”
    “When I was shot.” I looked at him with tears streaming down my cheeks.
    “Fuck.”
    “Yeah. If I would’ve known we wouldn’t have been there. If I would have known I would never have had to go through what I did with Disco. It was my fault. I never told him about the baby. But he found out anyways. I though that he would blame himself and I knew what that does to a person. I was trying to protect him. But look what I did to him. I ruined him and I can’t even walk away from him.”
    “Look at me.”
    I looked up at my father through blurred vision, blinking away the tears that spilled.
    “You have to let him go Trix. You are not a club whore. Do you know that?”
    I nodded.
    “I don’t think you do. But I think you’re punishing yourself because you feel guilty.”
    “It’s all my fault, though don’t you see that. It’s all my fault. I knew who I was when I was carried into that clubhouse and I chose my own path. I chose to be what I was.”
    “Yeah but you’re not the same girl anymore. Look at yourself. Take a good look at yourself. You have turned into a strong woman and you are more than a club whore.”
    “I don’t know how to be anything else.”
    “Yeah you do. Look at the time you were with Nix before you left. You two were happy. You were happy.”
    “I was.”
    “Now pick yourself up and figure out what you are doing with Nix and Payne and pick one. You can’t have them both.”
    “I know.”
    “Do you? You’re acting like one of the guys here. You are a mother, my daughter, and you have two fucking idiots who don’t know how to say no to you. Just because you and Nix have a son doesn’t mean you have to be the other woman in his life. He is married with another baby. Remember that. I’m not saying that shit between you two couldn’t work out but you both need to figure that out and don’t leave Payne hanging. He’s one of the good ones. Decide and let the other one go.”
    I nodded. I knew I needed to make a decision.
     
     
     
     

    I left Zoelle and Calissta once they had both fallen asleep. She questioned why I was so quiet. I had no answer for her. I had a lot on my mind and two women I loved. Both different. Trix made me feel things I didn’t want to feel. Made me care more then I could afford to. She made me crazy. Zoelle, she didn’t make me crazy. I didn’t go overboard with her.
    Maybe because I didn’t care enough about her. She was what I needed. I couldn’t afford to be stupid. I needed my head in the game. That is why I needed to stay with Zoe. She was the perfect wife. Trix would never be what I needed her to be. She was too hard-headed.
    I drove back to my house. The house I shared with Zoelle. I hadn’t told Trix when I left her in our house that I was only two doors down. I pulled into the driveway and got out of my Truck. I stood in the dark staring at  Trix’s house, the light was on and Nitro’s bike was parked out front stopping me from going down there. I wanted her but I needed to stay away from her. If I was near her I couldn’t trust myself not to touch her, not to take her.
    I watched Nitro walk out the door. I could see Trix standing at the door holding our son as she watched her dad leave. When he was out of sight I started moving without realizing what I was doing until I was standing in front if her. She stared back at me and I moved my eyes to Zaiden who was hanging