Free Just Like a Woman by Madeleine Clark

the waiter hands him a menu. ‘Your usual to drink, darling?’ She smiles back at him and nods. Still not taking his eyes from her face, he orders their drinks and reaches across the table taking her hand in his. ‘Two days without you has been too long, I can’t be apart from you that long again.’ It’s not necessary for her to say a word.
    Suddenly she shot back up and gasped for air. What if it all went wrong? What if he didn’t like her? Through the week she had a couple of panic attacks and the other receptionists at work became concerned. They knew some of her history and were very lenient with her, Dr. Short ensured they were. He was so good to her, had been since she was a little girl when she came in to the surgery for various reasons; there were always bumps and bruises on her body. But Dr. Short had always found a way to slip her a sweet when her mother wasn’t looking. He never questioned the marks on her body, choosing to believe the reasons given to him by her mother. Sarah justified this in her mind by accepting he had no choice but to believe what her mother told him. After all he had known her mother since she was a teenager herself. And what reason would she have to lie to him? Of course he would take her at her word; when she said her daughter was clumsy and forever falling over, then that must be the truth. Besides her mother ensured Sarah never had a broken bone; well not as far as Dr. Short was concerned. Her mother was sneaky like that, a trait Sarah had learnt to copy from an early age. And her mother had sworn her to secrecy that involved various kinds of threats, so she would never contradict what was said, would never betray her mother. Maybe she could ask Dr. Short to help her now. He had done it before.
    When she left school her mother didn’t want her to go out to work, but he came round and insisted, arranging for her to work at his surgery. Sarah felt eternal gratitude to him for this, for getting her out of the house. Yes, she was sure he would have vouched for her. But Stephanie’s idea was of course much better than hers.
    She had called Stephanie through the week for support and to ask about her wardrobe. How would she know what to wear? She hugged herself. She was so lucky having people like Dr. Short and Stephanie in her life, they really cared about her; they were so kind. She washed herself with the exfoliator as Stephanie had suggested, enjoying the roughness against her skin and let the delicious feeling enter her body again as she thought of the new dress she had hidden under her bed, just in case.
    After washing her hair she reached for the new conditioner. Going into the chemist to find a hair conditioner had been more confusing than she expected. Her mother bought all the toiletries; the cheapest. It was only soap, Sarah heard her mother’s voice repeat time after time, whenever Sarah tried to suggest they might try something she had seen on television or in one of her magazines. Stephanie advised conditioner along with shaving her legs.
    Shaving her legs! She felt a proper grown up as she ran the razor up and down each leg and then under her arms as well. She had seen the adverts on television for these products, but never considered them part of her life.
    Deodorant had been given to her at school, she had found a can in her locker one day after a games lesson. This was followed by advice on tampons and sanitary towels. She had to beg her mother for tampons and the girls at school had helped, for their own sakes as much as her own. It wasn’t until she started work that she was able to get them on a regular basis.
    Stephanie told her on the phone, Robert’s favourite colour was orange but she really didn’t like such a bright colour and opted for pale green. It complimented her hair, so the shop assistant told her and when she looked in the mirror Sarah was surprised and readily agreed. Twirling in front of the mirror in the changing room she didn’t care who saw