Free Agape Agape by William Gaddis

more complicated the message the more chance for error so stay with the June moon cliché on the fifty cent piano roll what this deification of democracy’s all about, what this tyranny of the majority that Mill got from de Tocqueville’s all about that made him famous, Mill never had an idea of his own in his life till that winter he got seriously tormented he said that the range of musical combinations might be exhausted. Five tones and two semitones in an octave you can put together in a limited number of ways only a few are beautiful and must have already been used up no more Mozart, no more Weber, like the head of the U.S. Patent Office resigning in 1875 because he thought everything that could be invented had been invented in that frenzy of invention flooding America only really began a year later with the yes with, the player piano always come back to it, all roads lead to Rome try to explain anything always come back to it, why this ought to be subsidized this work of mine look at it. Look at this mess, this bed this empty room these medicines cost of these medicines headache is gone clear as a bell must be these medicines whole thing government supported like it ought to be problem is you have to be wiped out. Have to be reduced to this herd anonymity, humiliated and eliminated as an artist like Melville got a nickel left they’ll make you spend it go to work in the Custom House to survive as a citizen you have to become a nonperson, own one square foot of property means you’re still self-sufficient because your property’s who you are that’s what America what the West is all about what it’s always been about what I’m trying to explain here. Can’t really explain anything to anybody no but if we could if you could just explain it to yourself and, and wait, damn! Should have brought those deeds, land surveys, title insurance tax records get the properties divided and cleared up and settled on my daughters before it’s all swallowed by lawyers and taxes and I’m drawn and quartered by the government supposed to be helping me out backing me up all I’ve paid in taxes years and years of taxes become propertyless now divide everything three ways one for each daughter and we all benefit, let them worry about the upkeep repairs rents administering the properties and I spend a third of the year with each of them, get on with my work they look out for me and I’m allowed to show my generosity and they have the opportunity to show their love for me. Give them my money now give them all my cash securities God knows what they’d pay taxes on it and I’d have to wait thirty-two months for the government to come through but they’d probably just pay the taxes make sure they get the money now and we’re all left out in the cold, don’t even know what it all comes to statements probably right here in this heap of wet mail but they’re my only refuge. Loss, loss all just loss wherever you look, only refuge I’ve got left for my, for what’s left of my memory my discovery what I thought was my, would be sort of my vest pocket immortality and my, yes for my generosity and dignity, none of it left anyplace else I just took off in the wrong directions. Wrong about everything all so long ago, about everybody especially friends, thought we were all friends so full of who I thought I was some buffoon all two dimensional some cartoon minute I turned sideways they couldn’t see me at all, left on the shelf forgotten work forgotten my prizes forgotten when a prize still meant something now everybody out there giving prizes to each other not even for winners no we’re all just props for the ones who give the prizes, pantomimics imitation entertainment for this supine half-literate and non-literate crowd out there have to be read to it’s all, good God why did we learn to read in the first place? You read to three year olds, get up and give a