Free Providence by Karen Noland

her friend and
turned to leave, brushing by the waiting man. As she passed she could feel him
watching her. Looking up she encountered clear green eyes that held a quiet
sadness, and a grim resolution. The intensity in his face caused a stirring within
her that she didn’t quite understand. Dropping her eyes, she quickly left the
dim atmosphere of the quiet store for the bright warm sunshine and bustling
activity of the streets of Fallis.
    Following the crowds, she found
the schoolhouse where the Sunday meeting was to be held. It was a charming
white building with a wide portico, adorned with window boxes bursting with the
color of early blooming flowers and trailing green ivy. Kate smiled at the
simple beauty and was filled with a sense of respect for a teacher that would
find the time to create such an inviting place for her students. She knew that
it would soon be time for Jo to start attending a regular school. At only six
years old, Jo was already learning to read and write with a little coaching from
Nana and Kate, but with her sharp little mind, she needed to be in a real
school. Maybe she would see about sending her to school here in the fall. Four
miles would be awfully far, but maybe somehow they could find a way.
    As Kate stood lost in thoughts of
school years and Martha’s proposal, she was startled by a hand upon her sleeve.
Flinching at the touch, she instinctively reached to protect her arm.
    “I’m sorry. I certainly didn’t
intend to frighten you,” Matt breathed into her ear. “You look absolutely
beautiful, far too pretty for church!”
    “Thank you, Mr. Johnson,” she
said coldly, her heart pounding.
     “Shall we?” Matt asked,
taking her by the elbow. Without waiting for an answer, he steered her into the
small room, and found them seats side by side on the hard wooden benches. The
schoolhouse was already filled and they were forced to sit closely. Jo and the
Insleys were already seated a few rows ahead.
    “Momma, here we are,” Jo called
waving madly.
    “My daughter....” Kate began.
    “She’s with your help, she’ll be
fine. Besides, there’s really no room left up there.” Matt protested.
    “Your mother is going to keep me
company, Sweetheart. Now be a good girl, and turn around and listen to the
preacher.”
    Jo scowled at the man. As Kate prayed
that her daughter wouldn’t stick her tongue out, Jo turned a baleful glance on
her mother; Kate shrugged. Jo turned back around, plopping into the seat and
crossing her arms angrily. Kate felt the cold settle permanently in the depths
of her very being as Matt leaned back relaxing slightly against her.
    “ Oh, Lord, is this what you
would have for me? Have you sent a husband in the form of this man? I don’t
even like him, much less love him. Lord, you are the great provider, and
I know that I don’t always understand your ways, but I trust you. Could you
just maybe make it a little easier to see Your hand here?”
     The congregation rose and
began singing “Rock of ages cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee.” The
words which normally filled her soul with peace and hope, seemed hard and
shrill as she stood next to this cattleman. So many emotions flooded her.
Martha’s words haunted her memory. She stole a glance up at his face as he sang
in a rich baritone. His eyes were hard, as though hiding something within.
    The singing over, they sat, and
the circuit preacher began a sermon on God’s redeeming love. She found it hard
to concentrate. Her mind wandered as she heard those words, redeeming love ,
taking her back to a time when she had been sure that there was no love left in
the world, from God or anyone. In that horrible time after the fire had swept
through their home, killing her mother and father in a raging inferno that had
threatened to take her own life as well, she knew that a loving God could not
exist. She would never forget the screams of agony coming from her mother’s
room as the flames engulfed her parents.