Free Dead Lovely by Helen Fitzgerald

shower felt fantastic. After that she dried her hair with the compact hair dryer she’d smuggled into her rucksack when Kyle wasn’t looking.
    Meanwhile, Kyle and Krissie got the tents up, no hitches at all, and collected wood together to start a fire. By the time Sarah came back from the bathroom, they were sipping wine in its glow.
    ‘You did not bring your hairdryer!’ laughed Krissie.

    ‘It’s not easy, looking as good as I do,’ said Sarah, smiling as Kyle handed her a mug of wine.
    Sipping his wine, Kyle wondered how it was easy for Krissie to look so bloody good, having spent no time on ablutions at all. She was covered in sweat and dirt from the wood and her hair was stuck to her head and her knee was scratched from a fall on the bank, but she looked gorgeous.
    As Kyle moved on to his third mug of wine, he stared at Krissie. What with the relationship with Sarah having gone so awry, he had not had sex for months, had not so much as masturbated, and his balls were heavy with the burden of it. He had never talked to anyone about this because he found it mortifying.
    As he sat looking at Krissie over the fire, he remembered having sex with Sarah and this calmed him a bit, because in the latter stages it had been truly dreadful. On one occasion when Sarah had been taking fertility tablets of some sort, he’d just given an elderly patient a prescription when his pager went off. ‘There you go Mrs Beattie, take that to Boots,’ he said, escorting her to reception.
    ‘Tickityboots?’ asked Mrs Beattie.
    ‘Take it to Boots. Boots!’
    ‘What about them?’ Mrs Beattie asked.
    Kyle handed the befuddled Mrs Beattie over to his receptionist and read the message from Sarah: ‘Here, now!’

    When Kyle arrived ten minutes later, Sarah was lying on the bed with her T-shirt on, trousers off, and underpants shoved to the side. She couldn’t even be bothered to take them off. She swiped some KY onto herself and then said hi. Most guys might have had trouble maintaining energy in this scenario, but Kyle nuzzled in for the duration, imagining himself to be with anyone else.
    That was one of the last times they’d tried to conceive, and sex had seemed kind of sad since then.
    Kyle stopped looking at Krissie and turned to Sarah. As she sipped her wine, years of tension and worry seemed to have been replaced by bright cheeks and enthusiasm. Kyle caught a brief glimpse of the woman he fell in love with, the woman who didn’t call him an idiot, who didn’t leave lists of jobs for him to complete by a certain date. She was smiling, and her whole face changed with it, came to life. Kyle felt a slight flutter, seeing her fresh and out of context, and wondered for a moment if he could return to a previous time, when her smile was the only thing he needed.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
    I rang Matt while Sarah, Kyle and I were playing ‘face up’. We were pissed after three bottles of wine, and we dared each other to face up to our worst fears.
    I’m a big fearty when it comes to bloody injuries so Kyle dared me to cut his hand so that it bled enough to paint one small tissue red. He told me not to worry, he was a doctor, and he’d stop me if I went too far. Handing me his Swiss army knife, he then held out his hand. My sweat glands got to work immediately, as they always have, as I took his hand in mine. Warm sweat poured from my palm onto his. He pushed the blade of the knife tightly against his flesh. It was never going to work and I started to feel dizzy. I hesitated and looked Kyle in the eye. While I was doing this, he moved his left thumb under my hand affectionately and a sudden surge of adrenalin made me shut my eyes and cut into him.

    ‘Jesus!’ yelled Kyle, recoiling with pain.
    I watched the blood spurt from his hand …
    *
    ‘Krissie! Krissie! Kriss! Hello! Are you okay?’ Sarah’s face was blurry as it came into view. ‘You fainted.’
    She helped me sit up and it took a few moments before I fully regained