Free Shattered by Melody Carlson Page B

my mother’s attributes, I feel dizzy and spacey and I need to lie down. “I’m sorry,” I interrupt Maria. “But I’m not feeling too well.”
    “Oh yes.” She puts her hand on my shoulder. “I forget how hard this must be for you.”
    I nod again, and this time the mere motion of moving my head makes me feel like the walls are spinning... like I’m about to throw up. So I excuse myself and, trying to get my bearings, hurry from that stuffy room, rushing down the hallway toward my bedroom. But I feel like a rat in a maze, like I’m lost and can’t find the right turn... until finally, I find the right door, go inside, close it, then fall onto my bed... and escape into a foggy darkness.
    When I wake, my dad is sitting on the side of my bed. His expression is one of great concern and sadness. “What’s wrong with you, Cleo?”
    I sit up and blink at the overhead light. “Huh?”
    “Are you sick? Do you need to see a doctor?”
    I shrug, then let out a long sigh. “I’m just really sad. And tired.”
    “I know...” He nods. “Believe me, I know. But we can’t give up. We have to keep going. That’s what your mom would want us to do.”
    I look down at my hands, thinking they look like someone else’s hands. My mom’s perhaps?
    “But if you can’t keep going...” Dad reaches over and takes one of my hands in his. “Then we will get you help.”
    “Help?”
    “Someone to help you through your grief. Aunt Kellie said she knows someone who—”
    “I don’t need someone to help me,” I say stubbornly. Then I pull my hand away from his and slide my feet out from under the blanket and onto the floor. “I can deal with this myself.”
    “I know it’s not easy. But we have to get through this, Cleo.”
    “I know, Dad.” I stand up now, feeling both shaky and dizzy... and like I need another pain pill. “I’m getting through it the best way I can. I just need time.”
    “Okay, I know it’s going to take time.” He rubs his hand through his messy hair. “And I hate to tell you this, but I’m scheduled to go to Denver next week. I thought about canceling, but we need the—”
    “Don’t cancel for my sake.”
    “But I hate to think of leaving you here... alone... after what’s happened.”
    “I’ll be okay. I know you have to keep working, Dad.”
    “If I wasn’t self-employed, I could take time off, but being my own boss... if I cancel on a client... well, you know how it goes.”
    “I understand, Dad. It’s okay for you to work. I’ll be fine.” “Well, my flight isn’t until Sunday evening. I can always cancel—”
    “No,” I say firmly. “You don’t need to cancel.” I stand a bit straighter now, trying to convey confidence. “In fact, I plan to return to school tomorrow.”
    He looks relieved. “Oh, good. I think it will be good to get back to our old lives.”
    I glance over my dad’s shoulder. “Does that mean Aunt Kellie went home?”
    He makes an uncomfortable frown. “Not yet.”
    “Why not?”
    He shrugs. “I think she’s worried about you, Cleo.”
    “I’m fine.”
    “Well, you might have to convince her of that.” He moves toward the door. “In the meantime, she’s not budging. She just told me that your mother wants her here.”
    “What?” I ask hotly. “Is she able to speak to the dead?”
    My dad says nothing, but his expression says it all. Sad, weary, lost. And it’s all my fault. Unable to see so much sorrow in my dad, I turn away from him, pretending to be busy with a tangled necklace on my dresser.
    “Kellie said to tell you she’s putting out some leftovers for dinner.”
    “Dinner?” I scowl. “Didn’t we just have lunch?”
    “It’s almost seven,” he says as he leaves my room.
    I look at the clock by my bed. It is almost seven. I have been asleep for nearly six hours. Six hours of blissful escape. I close my door, then go to my secret stash of pills. I’ve been very creative. I wrapped them in a tube of tissue that is