Free Healing Waters by Stephen Arterburn, Nancy Rue Page A

aren’t saying it. That combined with whatever happened with Otto—she told you that part, right?”
    â€œHe didn’t have heart trouble or anything before.”
    â€œNot that anybody knew about.”
    â€œDid you?”
    Chip stiffened. “I didn’t practice medicine down at Sonia’s, if that’s what you mean. I didn’t do much of anything except drive her around and run errands. That’s why I quit. And because I missed you too much.” His eyes softened. “I miss your cooking, babe. And your nagging—and the way you dance in the kitchen when you’re making ravioli.”
    He lifted my chin—all my chins—with the tips of his fingers. It was a moment like so many I’d had with Chip, when I knew he didn’t see my fatness and didn’t care if he did.
    Or at least I’d thought so.
    I let the moment pass into one of the real ones, when I knew he couldn’t stand the sight of this bloated version of his size 6 bride. When I knew the inevitable had happened, and I had been traded in for a size 2.
    â€œI don’t dance anymore,” I said.
    â€œI would guess not—you look exhausted. I wish you’d come home and get some decent rest.”
    â€œI can’t.”
    â€œWhy? Sonia’s getting round-the-clock care right now. This is the perfect time for you to take care of yourself.” He touched my chin again. “Or let me take care of you.”
    â€œSince when have you ever taken care of me?”
    Dear God, why did You let me say that?
    I groped to get the words back, saying, “Never mind, never mind,” but the space they left gave me room to breathe. I got up and stood beneath a cooling vent and gulped in air.
    â€œSince never,” Chip said behind me. “I have never taken care of you. But I’m going to start now.”
    I felt him come to me, but he didn’t touch me. “I said I didn’t do much at Sonia’s, but that’s not completely true. I thought , babe, and I searched my soul, and I realized I could never have gotten through these last three years without you being who you are and standing by me. Now it’s time for me to do that for you.”
    I felt his hands take my shoulders as if they were too hot to touch.
    â€œPlease come home with me and let me try.”
    I wanted to. I wanted to as much as I’d once wanted to believe he was innocent. And then later that he was at least remorseful. And then that he wanted a family as much as I did—children to focus on, a reason to start over. I always wanted to believe, and I had, over and over, because I somehow knew I was his only one. For once in my life, I was someone’s only one.
    Until now. Now he thought I was stupid enough not to know it. I was tired of being stupid.
    â€œBabe, you’re shaking.”
    â€œI’m fine,” I said. But the bursting apart of pride and pain and panic was imminent if I didn’t get it under control, here in the strange comfort of ICU where I knew what I was doing. Where I wasn’t just a fat idiot. Maybe after that I could tell him what I knew. Maybe after that I could handle what he might say.
    â€œI can’t come home right now,” I said. “Later, when Sonia’s doing better.”
    He tried to turn me to face him, but I dug in. His hands slipped off my shoulders.
    â€œYou do what you have to do,” he said. “I’ll take care of things at home. I’ll see about getting another job.”
    I nodded.
    â€œI’m not giving up on us.”
    I let him get all the way to the door before I said, “I’m fine here by myself.”
    Chip put his hand on the doorjamb and squeezed until I could see his skin go white, but his face showed me nothing. There was a time, far back, when I could watch all his possible responses flip through his face like cards in a Rolodex before he landed on one. Now he could make his face as