when his mother came back to the poolside. “She’s upset about Roxanne’s pregnancy.”
“Well, duh.” His mother pinched his arm lightly. “What woman wants to sit around thinking about another woman pregnant with the baby she thinks should be hers?”
That was confusing. Why would Andie want Roxanne’s baby to be hers?
“Anyway, you should get her to fall in love with you first, and then when the baby’s born, she’s not going to turn away from you.”
“How do you know?” A surge of bile hit the back of his throat. “Everyone turns away from me when I have problems. They want me when everything’s clear sailing, but hit a snag, and boom, they’re gone.”
“If you think that way, I can see why you’re sitting here with me instead of making love to that sweetheart of yours.” His mother hefted herself out of the chair. “Steak’s done if you’re still hungry.”
The burning question was at the edge of his lips, but he couldn’t let it go. Her answer might hurt him too much. He’d seen the ugly pictures of him with the cleft palate. One of his foster parents had saved a bundle of pictures for him with his social worker who’d handed them over when he turned eighteen. He wasn’t cute. He was ugly, with a gaping hole below his nose where his tongue poked from the flap of his deformed lip. His first foster mother had had to tape his nose and mouth and feed him from the side of his lips with a special shaped nipple. Not that his real mother had bothered to do any of it. It had been far easier to dump him into the system for others to deal with.
“I’m not hungry. I gotta go. I’m not letting my baby down. No matter what.” He felt like he’d been repeating himself so much, even he was sick of trying to convince himself he’d be a good father.
She blocked him, her hands on her hips. “I wasn’t sober back then. You really think a druggie like me could have taken care of you? You really think I could have dealt with the surgeries and the care before and after?”
“You could have if you loved me. You could have sobered up long ago. But no, you cared more about your drugs than about your baby boy.” He stood and pulled on his T-shirt. “I’m glad you’re sober now. I just wish I had been a good enough of a reason.”
His mother grabbed his T-shirt. “You had a better life than Donnie and Joanie. I kept them and look where they ended up. Juvie hall, drugs, gambling, jail.”
“I don’t want to argue and make you feel bad.” Cade backed away from her with his palms out.
“You’re hurting and feeling sorry for yourself, but if you want that woman to love you, you have to be a man who’s good enough for her to love. And right now, you don’t think you’re good enough.”
----
A s far as first days went, this one had been a disaster. Andie hurriedly unlocked the door to Cade’s house and waved goodbye to Ronaldo. As soon as he drove off, she shut the door behind her and took deep breaths.
Red and Gollie scampered to her for a greeting, and she squatted on the floor to hug them. Stroking their furry bodies and heads lowered her blood pressure and heart rate. She took a few breaths and quieted herself. Was Cade around?
The house was dark, and she had yet to scout out the floorplan to know where he’d spent the night. Her bedroom ascended a set of spiral stairs up from the great room, and as far as she could tell, she was over the kitchen. There was another set of double doors leading away from the formal dining room, as well as a regular staircase on the other side of the great room.
She petted Red. “Is Cade home? Or did the dog walker leave you here?”
He wagged his tail, whatever that meant.
“Okay, you two, I’m going to let you run around the yard while I get ready for bed.” She crossed to the French doors leading out to the fenced in yard and let the dogs out.
Andie heard the garage door as she ascended her spiral stairs, but she didn’t wait for him. How
Jean-Claude Izzo, Howard Curtis