Free No Apologies by Jamie Dossie Page A

tired of acting like I need to change in the other room and shit. I feel like in a way, I can’t be who I really am around him. His shit is getting on my nerves.  Like tonight, I am laying in this massive king bed by myself; letting the music of Jill Scott swoon through his condo. I am tired of masturbating. I am in need of a man who can hold me, and wants to keep me. But I signed on to this shit with Curtis, and there is no telling who he is with tonight. Got me laying in bed wearing nothing but a lace teddy; like I am waiting on him. Actually, this is the way I go to bed every night, but I would like to be here with him between my legs giving me the business.
       Fuck that! Man got a monster dick on him, and then have the nerve to flip a sistah around too, just to eat my pussy. Man he can damn sho put it down on my ass. Hell! I am bored. I need to contact my bestie Jerome ass. I haven’t heard from his ass in a few weeks. Wonder what the fuck he up to. Reaching in my black Dior purse I grabbed my phone to holla at his ass Ring… Ring…
       “Aww hell no Ms. Thang, where the hell have you been, and what the hell you doing at this very moment?” “Well if you must know Jerome, I’m laying in bed with a teddy on at eleven at night waiting on my man to come home. Actually bored out of my fucking mind. I went into work today; did five heads and left up out of there.” “Damn girl! You could have called me sooner. We could have went out and had some drinks or something.” See I knew Jerome would understand. Hell! He about the only one who actually does understand what I am talking about, and I am truly thankful for his friendship.
       “Why don’t you come over here Jerome and we can have drinks here. I just don’t really want to go out.” “Now Ms. Thang, you know I am on my way to get into some shit. That’s why I said you should have said something early.” “I truly understand Jerome, I am just feeling out of sorts.” Fuck! What is wrong with me? I go from happy to sad in a matter of just a few moments, and I just can’t figure this shit out. Laying in the middle of the bed, in a fetal position. It has got to get better than this shit. “I’ve told you many times why you feel the way you feel and until you be true with you, then you are always gonna feel unfulfilled. Don’t be scared to be who you are Ms. Thang, fuck that! You know I love you boo.”
       “You are right Jerome. I must be true to myself and fuck the bullshit.” Jerome always knows what’s wrong with me no matter what and as always, he is right. I truly take his advice to heart. I guess I need do what I need to do, to make my life better for me; not for anyone else. “Hell, I am always right you know that! I just don’t like to see you waiting for a man and not one hundred percent sure if he gonna stay when you start being the true you Alexis boo.” “Ugh! This shit is driving me insane. I can’t do shit but pray that this shit is going to work-out Jerome. I’ve just been trying to be the one everyone wants me to be, that’s all.”
       I heard Jerome take a deep sigh over the phone before he spoke. “Ms. Thang, ummm… who the hell is everyone? They only see what you project. You need to put your representative away and introduce yourself. Cause you driving me insane!” Hearing Jerome go in on me, in his Nawlins’ accent; it started showing the faster he talked. I was on the verge of hanging up; he has this way of making you feel bad and telling you the truth, all at the same damn time. Jerome has never been the one, as long as I have known him, to lie about anything. All the shit that he has been through; good, bad and the ugly.
       He always tell folks that are closes to him “no need to start of lying, cause’ that will be how you end shit” is what he will always say. I just wish I was just as brave as he is. “Ms.Thang, you need to get out and go find you some dick to land on. Trust! That shit will make