Free Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Zombies by Matt Mogk

position. The larger the perceived threat, the more violent and aggressive they become.
    Still further research suggests that zombies may allow themselves to be freely injured as a selfless gesture that benefits their fellow ghouls. Evolutionary research conducted at Michigan State University’s Beacon Center for the Study of Evolution in Action proved that populations of organisms that are physically or genetically similar act altruistically, thereby protecting the survival of the larger group. By that logic, it stands to reason that the reckless behavior of zombies could be a subconscious by-product of this same process.
    Though it’s generally believed that the undead don’t technically work together in battle, any single zombie can function as the perfect decoy, sucking precious time, energy, and resources from a survivor, even as the initial attack fails. This ensures that future resistance will be weaker, thereby substantially increasing the odds that zombie number two, three, five, or ten will eventually succeed.
    In the Michigan State model, regardless of the zombie body count, the final meal is always a steaming pile of fresh you.

11: ZOMBIE EATING HABITS
    A sk anyone with even a casual knowledge of zombies what the undead eat, and more often than not, the response will be “Braiiiins!” But despite popular belief, the undead likely don’t prefer your brain to any other part of your living body. In fact, the concept of a zombie craving brains is unique to the
Return of the Living Dead
film series, a semispoof collection of B-movies from the late 1980s and early 1990s. The flaw in this premise is revealed through simple physics.

    Bite-compression work done by researchers from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, the United States’ oldest technical university, found that the human mouth is both too flat and too weak to penetrate a human skull. Predators have long mouths that protrude outward to allow them to use their full force when biting down on their prey. The human mouth is inset and unable to open wide enough to get a good grip on anything larger than an apple.
    Other less popular theories put forth in
Return of the Living Dead
include that burning zombies spreads infection; zombies can talk, think, and reason; zombies know how to use car radios; and any animal can become a zombie.
Return of the Living Dead Part II
(1988)
JOEY:
Come here, Brenda. Brenda!
BRENDA:
Joey, you stay away from me.
JOEY:
But your brains smell so good. They smell so rich and spicy.
BRENDA:
Spicy? Joey, I am not into dead guys!
    In fact, some research suggests that zombies may not eat anything at all but, rather, just bite and chew. Though seemingly simple, the act of swallowing is a complex neuromuscular activity controlled by several different parts of the brain. As it’s commonly believed that the zombie brain is low-functioning compared to that of the average human, evidenced in part by lack of speech, swallowing may prove too complex a task for a zombie. Additionally, eating may be a death sentence.
    Decomposition begins in the stomach, as bacteria feed on the soft tissue and organs. Pumping more soft tissue into the zombie gut could be like pouring gasoline on a flame. The rotting process might speed up, and the zombie would become a worthless pile of goo in no time flat. And even if zombies could swallow, they probably would not be able to digest what they ate. How often do you see a zombie stop for a bathroom break? That could lead to massive bloating, sluggishness, and loss of balance, as their midsections become stretched like heavy, rotten watermelons, further reducing their threat to able-bodied humans.
    If zombies don’t actually eat anything, is it possible that the undead may increase their longevity by literally eating themselves from the inside out? Many of the human body’s internal organs, once vital to the survival of a living person, are not likely needed for a zombie to function. Because of this,the newly