Free All Or Nothing by Blake Karrington Page A

countered. “You burnt them boys so many times….. I’m given’ you ya five dollars worth and that’s it….”
    The woman interrupted, “If it wasn’t fa me you couldn’t even got a twenty.”
    “So.” Brenda flatly stated. “Anyway you, still owe me from that hit you bummed off me last week. Yeah, remember that?”
    Back and forth the two crack fiends bickered over who should get the bigger percentage of the drug. Distracted by the argument they never once noticed Shantell standing in the yard.
    “Ma!” She cried out.
    The voice had caught them both off guard. Brenda and her junkie friend both looked in Shantell’s direction, since they both had children. But even in her drug induced haze, Brenda knew that voice from anywhere. She knew that this shadowy figure was a child of hers.
    “Shantell?” She responded. “Is that you?”
    Shantell walked over to her mother. Even in the darkness she could see that her mother was looking bad. To her Brenda looked like death in the face, her jaws were sunken in and her eyes seemed to bulge out of the socket. She was so boney, her over coat was bigger than her. Her body looked like it was wasting away.
    Even in this condition Shantell felt like her mother would at least greet her, with a hug. After all she hadn’t seen her in almost a year. But it wasn’t to be, Brenda stood there emotionless, as if she saw her daughter everyday. Shantell was crushed, ‘Where was the love?” She wondered. After all it was love that brought her to Brenda’s door despite everything.
    Shantell felt that if her mother wasn’t woman enough to show her some emotion, then she would be the bigger person in this situation. She reached out and pulled her mother, and held her tight as if her life depended on it.
    Though Shantell was a young woman, in terms of her age, inside she still was a kid who needed her mother. And this was her way of showing it. Through something so simple yet affectionate as an embrace. Just to be in her mother’s arms meant the world to her. Brenda just didn’t know. Or maybe she was too high to even care.
    “Excuse us!” Shantell barked. “Can you give us some privacy please?”
    It took every bit of restraint for Shantell not to get ignorant with the stranger. She reminded herself she wasn’t here for that. She was just here to see her mother, nothing more.
    Shantell continued, “How you doin’ Ma? How’s everything?”
    “Oh, I’m ok.” Brenda pretended. “How’s everything with you and the baby?”
    “We’re alright.” She stated. “Ya grand daughter getting’ big.”
    “I’ll bet.” Brenda fired back. “Jordan always had a healthy appetite.”
    This basic conversation was a start for the two women. When Shantell had lived in the house, she had gone for weeks without even speaking to her mother. There were so many things she wanted to say to her, but she decided against it. That would only open up old wounds that still were in the process of healing. Besides that this visit wasn’t about her, it was about Brenda. Shantell couldn’t bring herself to be selfish at a time like this.
    Sure She could have chastised her mother for her living conditions or for her choice of lifestyle for that matter. But she didn’t. She pretended as if none of the events had transpired and she didn’t see her mother in her current state of despair. Though Shantell had the upper hand now, she decided not to treat Brenda less than a woman, less than her mother.
    “Dis ain’t you Ma. When you gonna get off dat stuff ?” Shantell begged. “You can’t go on like dis forever you know? I’m scared for you. It’s dangerous out here.”
    “Baby, I’ma go to rehab soon. I’m getting’ sick and tired of this shit myself. Believe me.”
    Shantell looked her mother dead in the eye and saw no truth to what she was saying. Most of all she heard no signs of sincerity in her voice. To her without those two things her words were meaningless. Brenda was lying to