Free The Stiff and the Dead by Lori Avocato

thin air when I continued, “I just told Helen I’d be here a few months. Don’t ever lie, Spanks. Lies always jump up and bite you in the ass.”
    He curled up on my lap and this time looked at me as if he cared what I said.
    â€œI mean it is a good idea, the moving here thing, since it will give me access to the inside of Mr. Wisnowski’s house to see if he was murdered and if Sophie is in danger too. Or Uncle Walt! So, you see, I really need to know if he’s right, and while I’m a ‘senior citizen,’ I could probably find out. But how the hell am I going to snoop around with some realtor on my butt?”
    Spanky looked at me with his dark eyes that were far too big for his little squirrel-size head. “You bring along a diversion.”
    I stared at him. Had he talked? Then I realized I needed a Budweiser. I had talked while staring at Spanky. Damn. A diversion. Not a bad idea even if I was going nuts.
    The next afternoon, Goldie met me at Wisnowski’s house bundled up in his white fox coat. It was real, too, since Goldie was a wiz at investigating, and we got paid in proportion to our cases solved. “Gold, I really appreciate your help.”
    He smiled while the realtor, Ms. Barbara Lawrence, went to unlock Mr. Wisnowski’s door. It had taken me all morning to call around town to see which realtor had the listing and insist on a showing before the sign went up.
    â€œI’m feeling much better now, Suga. Anything to help. Besides, with Miles back at work and having watched Maury, and reruns of Jenny and Oprah until my eyes blurred, I needed to get out. Not ready for my own case yet, but love to help you.”
    Barbara, whom I had gone to Saint Stanislaus Grammar School with but, thank God, didn’t recognize me as Peggy Doubtme, turned to look at us. She held the door open while we stood by her black Chevy station wagon. “Do you and your aunt need any help, Ms. Goldie?”
    Gold and I looked at each other. If only poor Barbara knew.
    â€œNo, darlin’, Auntie Peg and I are fine.” With that he slid his arm under mine, and we walked up the stairs—intent on distracting and snooping.
    When we walked inside the living room, I gasped.
    Goldie tightened his hold. “Everything all right, Auntie?”
    â€œI . . . I’m fine. Fine.”
    Barbara stood staring at me. “Can I get you something?”
    â€œWater,” I moaned.
    I leaned close to Goldie and whispered that the place looked exactly like Sophie’s, right down to the faded white doilies on the end tables. Weird.
    Then again, nothing should surprise me. Since leaving nursing, lots of weird stuff had happened in my life—Jagger being one of them. I was beginning to wonder if I was being punished for leaving a profession that had fallen into crisis.
    Barbara came up with a glass of water in her hand. “Here.”
    I looked at it and then remembered I’d asked for it. Seems when I got nervous I asked for water. This time I took it and drank it all down. Then I nearly spit it back up when I realized it was Mr. Wisnowski’s glass!
    Damn!
    â€œSince you seem all right, shall we continue with the tour?” She waved her hand as if we were to follow.
    â€œFine.” I took Goldie’s arm as we went upstairs, and forced myself to forget that I’d just drunk out of a dead man’s glass.
    Barbara proceeded to point out the obvious. “This is the master bedroom. See the large window?”
    She must think Goldie and I were dumb bunnies. I was getting a bit anxious since we were wasting too much time and not finding any useful info. I gave Goldie a look and a wink—as best I could with superglued wrinkles near my eyes.
    Goldie, darling Goldie, swung into action. “Barbara, honey, is that a closet over there?”
    I took two steps back and was out in the hallway. As I heard Goldie “ooh” and “ah,” I scurried