Free How I Came to Sparkle Again by Kaya McLaren

them.”
    “I call that love,” Lisa said. “That expansive feeling … that’s love to me. When I tell someone I love them, I don’t really mean that I love them . I mean I feel expansive in their presence.”
    Tom shook his head. “No, l-o-v-e love is when you would give someone a kidney,” he said definitively. “That’s why if David tells you he loves you, Jill, you tell him your kidneys are failing and you need a kidney. If he offers his, he loves you. If he doesn’t, you’re right—he just wants to restore order to his life.”
    “Wait,” Lisa said. “So you’re saying there is just one kind of love—kidney love?”
    “Yes,” Tom replied.
    “I don’t buy it,” Lisa argued. “I think there are lots of different kinds and levels of love. There’s expansive love. There’s I’d-loan-you-money love. There’s I’d-take-good-care-of-you-while-you’re-sick love—”
    “Lisa,” Tom stopped her, “all of those are like cents that add up to a dollar, but it still takes a hundred cents to make a dollar. All those steps are significant and made of the same stuff, just like all pennies are money and all dollars are money, but just like you need a hundred cents to have a dollar, you need the willingness to give up a kidney to have love.”
    Lisa studied Tom for a minute, and Tom could see the question written all over her face. Would you give up a kidney for me?
    “Yes, I would give you a kidney, Lisa. We’ve been friends for a long time,” he answered.
    The look on Lisa’s face shifted. She was obviously wondering if she would give up a kidney for Tom.
    Jill decided to save her. “So, Lisa, how long does this take?” she asked.
    “Nine minutes per pound, so theoretically, ninety minutes after the oil reaches three hundred and fifty degrees. I always let it go a little longer in case it wasn’t that hot. I don’t want anyone getting sick.”
    “Oh,” Jill said, wary of the turkey already.
    “Hey, is Jason coming up tonight?”
    “No,” Tom answered. “He never does anything anymore. Sometimes we hang out a little at work, but that’s about it.” He turned to Jill. “You met Jason for a moment today. He helped me bring that heart patient down.”
    “Jason was Tom’s partner in crime until he got married and broke up with Tom,” Lisa explained to Jill.
    “Broke up, Lisa?” Tom said. “Come on, that’s a little harsh.”
    “Okay, they weren’t sexual, just inseparable. We used to call them Tason or Jom. You know, sort of like Benifer,” Lisa said. “Yep, it sucks when all your friends grow up and leave you behind.”
    “Well, they haven’t all grown up and left me behind. You’re here. Eric and Hans are coming,” Tom replied, and cracked another beer.
    Jill didn’t comment, but she mulled over the idea of maturity. She felt so far beyond mature. She felt old. Old and used up. She looked at Tom, playful and full of vitality, and she wondered what was so great about being grown up.
    A while later, Eric and Hans joined Tom, Lisa, and Jill in lawn chairs around the fire. Tom lifted the turkey out of the pot with a large hook, set it on a large platter, and carved it. Lisa removed the pots of potatoes and mashed them manually with a potato masher. Jill took the green beans off the fire and began to make a plate for everyone. The Dutch oven containing apple cobbler had already begun to smell good, even though it had been set on the fire only a few minutes ago.
    Tom handed out forks. When he handed one to Lisa, she said, “Thanks, baby. I needed a good fork.”
    “Oh, Lisa, you know I’ve been dying to give you a good fork for a long time,” he joked back.
    “Ten bucks says they’ll be sleeping together by April,” Eric whispered to Jill as he handed her a napkin.
    Jill smiled, shook her head, and extended her hand to shake on it. She sipped her wine, looked at the stars, and wondered who she would be today if she had never left this place. Would she be like Lisa? Would