Free Neon Spark (Dark Magic Enforcer Book 5) by Al K. Line Page A

nightmare. It's not supposed to be there, it isn't mine." I yelled, regretting calling her.
    Intus frowned, then a smile spread across her face. "I think it suits you, gives you character."
    She was being no help, so I pulled up my clothes quickly and buckled my belt again before the tail became wild. It had settled down so I wasn't risking it.
    Intus looked around and said, "Hey, this isn't Cardiff." She sniffed and said, "Ah, the smell of Japan in the evening. Lovely. Do you know I haven't been for ages, maybe... Gosh, probably a century at least. What's it like, is it nice?"
    "Nice? Nice!? I've got a tail! No, it isn't nice. The sooner I get back home where things make sense the better."
    "You are such a baby at times, Spark. Oh, and congratulations on not being dead. I know you seem to think it's very important."
    "I've told you before, we aren't like you. Not being dead is about as important as it can get." Now wasn't the time for a conversation we'd had so many times already—she'd never get the death thing.
    "Well, nice chatting to you, and congratulations on the tail. Be seeing you. I have to go check on the kids. You can bet they've hidden the pumice by now. Cheeky little buggers love the lava and I bet they've got it all over the floor, too."
    I couldn't even begin to imagine what Intus' home looked like, just knew I never wanted to visit. Now she had me sidetracked and I needed to focus. She was staring at me funny, waiting impatiently and stamping her foot. "Hurry up. Sorry, Spark, but you know... the kids."
    I angled my head away, my tinnitus getting worse thanks to more regular contact with my red friend.
    "Okay, sorry. You have a tail, how do I get rid of it?"
    "Hmm, never thought about it before. It would be like chopping off an arm. Ah, that's it!"
    "What? Do you know how to take it off, make it go away? Anything? Come on!"
    "Blimey, keep your shirt on. I've got just the thing." Intus disappeared in a cloud of rotten egg smoke then was back in a flash, down on the ground wielding a three foot scythe with a blade so sharp it was slicing the air in pieces, cutting through reality and revealing a glimpse of her home world.
    The moment I saw it my head went fuzzy then my brain turned thick, like concrete was being poured in through my ears. The tinnitus screamed at me as nightmare visions of an immortal hell filled my mind. Trillions of imps ran around manically, throwing socks in the air, endless mountains of spare change higher than Mount Fuji were home to billions of tiny imp children sliding down the steep sides, and molten lava streamed around vast islands of misplaced keys that were lost to evil, red skies, and row upon infinite row of studious imps sat at miniature wooden desks carefully weakening the stitching on the crotch of garments of all description.
    I blacked out at the sight no human is ever supposed to see. Imp language, their way of life, their world, it's all unknowable to us. If Intus spoke aloud in her native tongue I would be dead in a moment, too alien and too full of magic for the human mind to process or even hope to cope with. I came to and said, "Stop waving it about. Ugh," or something just as pathetic.
    Intus looked down at her hands as if unaware of what she was doing, and then planted the scythe on the ground and stood impatiently, my tiny demon friend holding something so sharp it could cut reality asunder.
    "Oops, sorry. But it's really sharp, should do the trick."
    With my head as cloudy as a Welsh winter sky, and mind still screaming, I stood up, dropped my trousers again, and turned sideways. I gulped, and mumbled, "Just make sure you chop off the right appendage. You sure this will work?"
    "Dunno, never used an immortal, infinite scythe to chop a tail off before. We use it for the gardening."
    What she gardened I had no clue. "Infinite scythe?" I asked, taking a step away—or a rather pathetic shuffle with my clothes bunched around my ankles.
    "Yeah, means it's well sharp.