“You do look like someone who could use a drink or two in the company of strangers.”
“What!” exclaimed Kim.
But that outburst was lost on Jake, who was already jogging to catch up with a group of guys who seemed to have been waiting for him, definitely the other revelers of this party that was going to happen. But, Kim was beside herself in her angry thoughts. How arrogant and presumptuous of the guy to think I’ll just come! What does he think?
But, that chain of thought soon changed. The moment she was in the car, and she closed the door, she realized how lonely she was. Maybe it was the claustrophobic environment of the car, but it reminded her that it had been months since she had been in the company of anyone. Even her closest friends had not seen her for weeks. Her mother and sister had resigned themselves to the fact that Kim would come out of the solitude in her own time. Forcing her to do so would be a retrogression.
Though Jake’s invite had been abrupt, there was a challenge in it. Kim was reminded of her slightly younger self, where she had taken up a job as a cabin crewmember just because of the adventure involved in it. Somehow, the invite had appealed to that younger self of hers, and, unknown to herself, she smiled. It seemed like a nice idea to hang out with a bunch of people who didn’t know what a horrible person she was. When those thoughts began to enter her mind, she made her decision.
That evening — the evening when that ill-fated proposal had been made — had turned into a nightmare instead of a celebration. However, the nightmare had been the most acute for Kim and, try as she might, she couldn’t wake up from it. She had spent days after days, nights after nights, in half-sleep and in some kind of unconscious limbo with thoughts oscillating between her feelings for Dave and why she walked out on him. She had asked a million questions to herself, but hadn’t found an answer that was acceptable enough. She had spent hours staring at her phone, wanting to call Dave and to explain the whole thing. What would she say? — I am not ready to marry you as yet? I didn’t mean to humiliate you, but I did? — what was it that she could really say to him?
And these questions would be followed by a sharp ache. She knew that the only person who could have helped her to understand this situation was Dave. He would have understood her perfectly without her having to say anything. Perhaps he understood her even how, and that was why he never called. Perhaps he understood it all without her having to say anything to him.
It was over. But the bigger problem was that Kim didn’t know why she couldn’t come to terms with her decision.
The morning after the party had been dull and quiet. Kim had walked out of her room to find Judith and Sam already up and sitting with their coffee mugs. She grabbed her own coffee and sat at her usual spot by the window. Judith had been so enraged that Sam had to keep pleading with her not to say anything to Kim until she herself wanted to talk. But Judith had had it with Kim’s ways of doing things as she pleased. Richard had stopped her before, but that day, there was no Richard.
Judith wanted to give Kim a piece of her mind. She looked at Sam, who merely nodded to indicate her despair, walked up to Kim, and stood next to her for a moment.
Finally, Kim looked up at her mother. Her eyes were red and her face was slightly swollen. She had been holding her tears back, but now they gushed down her cheeks in a flood. Judith had not seen Kim in that state ever. Kim had always been her strong girl, but that day, she was so helpless, a broken mess.
In the weeks that followed, Kim just retracted into a shell. She refused to meet or talk with Beth or Cheryl. She stopped going out. She became so reserved and formal even at home that it became a matter of concern.
***
“Ma, is everything okay?” Sam asked. She had just entered the home and placed her